The Anatomy of a Catastrophe
by jules456
Summary: Experience: the most brutal of teachers. But you learn. My God do you learn." -C.S Lewis *Brucas*
1. The boy who had a dad

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Hey! I actually have a lot of this written, I just had decided to post lyrical chastity first. This is a Brucas, Naley, Jeyton, Routh future. Drama, angst like most of mine. Read and Review! Jules

The Anatomy of a Catastrophe

In my short time on earth I have been fortunate enough to know two great loves. Sadly, it seems that the recognition of that love doesn't come until after the pain, the sadness, … the loss. However, when the storm clears and the sun comes out it all seems worth it. The funny thing about love is that you can't put it into words, it's so overwhelming… I just wish that I hadn't waited so long to let it take over me.

Chapter 1: The little boy who had a dad

"_When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things." - 1 Corinthians 3:11_

I remember the look in her eyes when she came to find me that night… I was sitting at my desk slaving over my calculus homework that at that time happened to be the worst of my worries. I was broken out of one equation or another by a soft rapping at my door. I glanced at my clock as I slid from behind my desk. 11 pm, on a school night.

I made my way to the door as another knock rang out, a little firmer, more urgent this time… and then there she was standing in front of me, her lips pursed together as tears pooled in her chestnut eyes.

"What's wrong pretty girl?" I asked stepping toward her, much to my surprise she stepped away.

"Can I um, - can I come in?" She asked looking up at me, tears threatening to spill. Silently I stepped away from the door and gestured for her to come inside.

We stood awkwardly in one another's presence. I knew better than to even dare to speak. This part is all her.

Outside I could hear the wind howling… at that moment I wished for nothing more than for it to sweep me away as though I were nothing but another leaf that's sole purpose was to disappear just as quickly as it came into existence.

Finally she spoke in a voice that was even more raspy than normal.

"Look Luke," She rung her hands together nervously "I- god I must look like such an idiot right now" she mused as she tilted her head back in frustration.

"You don't look like an idiot." I offered up lamely. From the glare that she gave me it did little to assuage the situation.

"Look, I know that you and Peyton are together now and everything and its been kind of weird and all-" It was the truth- we both knew it… but somehow it never quite seemed to roll off anyone's tongue. "And this has absolutely NOTHING to do with that-"

I tried to keep my calm but I wanted nothing more than for her to just get to the point.

"Brooke, what's going on!" I urged her

"I'm pregnant Luke!" She finally breathed out… as soon as the words left her breath her eyes caught mine waiting for my reaction… I myself hadn't yet put the pieces together. "Did you hear me Luke, Luke?!" Brooke said waving her hand in front of my face.

What, a baby? Didn't she and I go through this last year? This is impossible. This cannot be happening… we haven't been together in months… its not mine.

"Luke?" She tried again desperately.

"We havent been together in like two months Brooke." I reasoned as I tried to think rationally

"Four actually." She corrected me.

I had to sit down. I could feel my heart palpitate in my chest as I sucked in a breath. Damn HCM didn't help this situation.

"How long have you known Brooke?" I asked as I furrowed my brown involuntarily.

"About two months. I was really, really sick and I mean I thought it was just the flu… I mean we were always so safe…" she said trying to digest this all herself "and then Rachels skank ass just had to buy a pregnancy test, something about reveling in the fact that I'm going to turn into a whale." She mumbled. Had this situation not been so… unfortunate, she would have been cute.

"Well why did you wait so long to tell me?!"

"BECAUSE!" She spoke up. "We weren't speaking and everything seems to be going really great with you and Peyton." She put a little too heavy an emphasis on "really". "What are we going to do with a baby Luke? I have barely let it digest myself. I was going to get rid of it."

This situation has played out in my head before and I always came to the same conclusion. I will never kill my child… but now that this has become a reality what I want becomes a whole lot less clear. All that I could think about was how dumb I had been. How if I could go back four months from now I would have done everything in my power not to be in this position… but here I am living it… at least I haven't had to deal with it for the past four months like Brooke has I guess.

"And now?" I ask unable to meet her eye.

"I couldn't do it Lucas." Now Brooke let tears slide down her face… and so did I.

"So um… when… when is it, yanno?" I ask dumbly trying to figure out how long I didn't have to get my shit together.

"I'm almost five months… so he'll be here in like may I think…" She spoke slowly almost chocking on her words.

"He?" My head snapped up when I heard those words.

Brooke nodded with a little hint of excitement in her eyes.

"I found out at my last appointment two days ago. I hope you don't mind." she said with a small hopeful smile.

I looked upon Brooke in awe. We were sixteen and she was carrying my child. I would be thirty two and have a sixteen year old… and if he follows in my footsteps I could be a grandpa, just like my mom is going to become a grandma.

"Are you ready for this Brooke?" I asked meeting her eyes

"No. Are you?" She countered seriously although she had an almost playful expression

"No. Quite honestly I'm scared shitless."

**Five Years Later**

As I drive down the lonely country road I pass one sign that I had not seen in years. "_Welcome to Tree Hill". _As I pass it by I wonder how I got to this point… as the thoughts of what I left behind continue to plague me.

"_Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." miscellaneous_

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Lemme know what you thought. I have the next few chapters done so depending on what you say it'll depend on when it will get up (got multiple stories going again but it shouldnt be more than a week for either) or if you want the storyline at all "tweaked". Because it's not finished yet I'm completely open to suggestions. I like challenges.

Next Chapter title : Fight like Brave


	2. Fight like Brave

Hey guys! Thanks for all of the great reviews for this story. Here kinda of more sets up the plot so I'm just gonna roll with it.

thanks

Jules

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**Chapter 2: Fight like a Brave**

"_A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read" - _Mark Twain

Nothing has changed. The same cars are parked on the same streets. The same trees provide shade as the same couples strolled along the same sidewalks hand in hand… the same as always. Did it not defy all logic I could have sworn that even the air was the same. Tree Hill North Carolina… the place that had been my home, mind you that I have never known another in the years since my departure.

I glance down again at the address printed with such care on top of a Christmas card from two years ago. The address begged to be responded to, it begged to be recognized and I neglected it, until now.

"Here goes nothing." I say regretfully taking a final drag of my cigarette before stepping out of my old truck.

I snicker as I pass a mailbox painted a light purple with flowers spelling out "_Scott"_. That was so her. Then another thing caught my eye. A childs basketball hoop… maybe they've had a baby.

I hesitate at the door trying to push away all instinct that I had to run. I had done that before, run. It got me nowhere.

I knocked on the door. Twice. _At least I can say I tried _I thought as I stepped off of the porch grateful that nobody had answered and questioning whether or not I had made the right decision in the first place.

"Can I help you?" I heard her call out from behind me… she didn't recognize me.

Taking a deep breath I turned around to see the girl who had been the single most important person in my life for years.

"Hey Hales." I couldn't help but smile as I turned to face Haley James Scott for the first time in four years.

"Oh my god Luke!" She almost squealed before bounding off of her porch and into my arms. "God, where the hell have you been!" She said finally pulling away from the hug and shoving me in the chest. I however was reluctant to let go. It had been so long since I've been hugged… since I hugged anyone…

"I uh, I got your Christmas cards." I know that I probably sounded like the biggest jerk and by the way that Haley was looking at me I could tell that she was not amused. She glanced at the bag that hung from my shoulder.

"Stayin' awhile?" She asked… I couldn't read her expression

"Thinkin' about it." Shrugging I looked around nonchalantly

"Lucas Scott without a care in the world. Looks like nothing much has changed." She shot at me. Haley could be a little… aggressive, but it had been so long since I bore the brunt of it.

"I guess I deserved that."

The house that she lived it was cute, basic and simple. It looked like her life made sense and I was jealous of that, then again I didn't have the right no one screwed my life up but me.

"You wanna come in or something?" Hales finally asked after a moment of silence.

Gratefully I nod and accept her invitation. I was right to come here first, to ease my way back in slowly.

"Nathan should be home from work soon." Haley informed me as she closed the door behind us.

I looked around the house. It was small but cozy with that typical "Tree Hill" charm. It's been longer since I've talked to Nathan than Haley. The prospect of seeing him again didn't sit lightly in my stomach.

"You look good Hales." I say as I took a seat comfortably at the kitchen table.

"Thanks." She responded shortly

I continued to take in my surroundings. There were kids toys scattered about, and a family portrait that hung from the wall in the living room. Pictures of their little boy were scattered around the house and his drawings were hung on the refrigerator. It was obvious that this kid was loved.

"You have a son?" I ask looking at Haley. I'm proud of what she's become. She really came out of her shell, she made something of herself.

She looked at me pointedly when I asked her that question.

"Yeah. I do." As she spoke her face bore yet another expression I couldn't read. "He's an amazing kid and he's smart as a whip."

She boasted as spoke of her son.

"So…" I began bringing up the inevitable topic. "Have you talked to her?" My voice sounded unsure but hopeful.

"You're going to have be a little more specific Luke." Haley responded as she stared holes into me trying to figure me out. She was not going to let this be easy

"Come on Hales." I pleaded with her "You know who I mean!"

"Well Luke," she began "you left more than one person here. There's me for starters who you didn't even have the decency to try to contact for I don't know four years, or maybe your mother who has tried to be proud of you since the day that you decided that you were too good for this town, or Peyton who you left high and dry at the peak of your relationship after she stuck with you through EVERYTHING! Or how about Brooke the mother of your child who you abandoned no better than your own father did?!"

Her words cut like a knife. All of these things I knew but on the other side of the country they were easier to avoid. To everyone else I was a good, honest, decent man. Only when I came home would people look at me and see the truth. The truth, that cold reality of who I had become is what had kept me away for so long.

"Brooke." I finally spoke. Her name felt foreign on my lips. It was the first time that I could bring myself to utter it. And as expected a wave of guilt and regret washed over me. "How is she Hales?"

Haley took a deep breath before looking me dead in the eye. I know Haley. She was making sure that I was listening, making sure that I heard her.

"How is she Luke? I don't know. She rolls up here a couple of times a month, sometimes less. She says hi, … passes out, and then before I know it she is gone again."

"She's not in Tree Hill anymore?"

Haley shook her head no.

"I've tried. I tried to get her to stay here so we can help her get on her feet. I think she thinks she is a burden. I don't know we've done the best that we can."

"So that's all you know?" She hasn't satisfied my curiosity. There has to be more. She has to be alright. My son has to be alright.

"No. That's all that you deserve to know." Haley spoke pointedly

Suddenly the front door swung open and it sounded like a stampede barreling toward us.

"Hales?!" I heard a familiar voice call "Haley James Scott!" The voice hollered again

"I'm in the kitchen!" Haley called back looking at me quickly before turning to the faces that appeared in the kitchen.

"Are my eyes deceiving me?" The curly headed girl asked "Or has Lucas Scott rolled back this way?"

"Well, well, Peyton Sawyer." I step forward to hug her but she recoils.

"Look what the cat dragged in." Rachel spoke up as she appeared behind Peyton much to my surprise with a baby on her hip nonetheless… and then she stepped forward and pulled me into a quick hug. "It's good to see you." She almost seemed genuine.

"Mom," A little girl said pulling on Peytons sleeve. My god- Jenny, and she called Peyton mom?

The little girl still had the same mischievous smile that she had as a toddler. She was tall for her age and wore her dark blonde hair in a simple ponytail. There was another little red headed girl beside her who appeared to be about three years old.

"Jenny, go wait in the car. Take Charlotte with you." Peyton said not fully acknowledging the child.

"Gosh mom, that's so lame." She stomped off grabbing the little red headed girls hand heading back out the door.

"You think I'm lame now wait till you hit puberty!" Peyton called after the girl as the front door slammed.

Then I noticed him, the little boy from the pictures peering out from behind Peytons leg.

"Hi. I'm Luke." I said kneeling down to the small childs eye level.

… and as I looked into his eyes it dawned on me… the slight slant of his blue eyes, his dirty blonde hair… the way the dimples showed in his cheeks effortlessly, she studied me for a minute, and then he spoke…

"I know. I'm Ben and you're not my daddy. Nathan is."

**Woah.**

_"Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn. My God do you learn." _

_-C.S Lewis_

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Leave one! Any ideas? Throw 'em at me. I've got up to chapter 5 HOWEVER i dont know if this story is going to go in the direction that i originally thought haha. I'm becoming attatched to the characters if you can infer anything from that... but for the sake of writing, who knows. Just tryin' to be true, its all i've got.


	3. Vertical Horizon, The age of Innocence

**Chapter 3: Vertical Horizon**

Then I noticed him, the little boy from the pictures peering out from behind Peytons leg.

"Hi. I'm Luke." I said kneeling down to the small childs eye level.

… and as I looked into his eyes it dawned on me… the slight slant of his blue eyes, his dirty blonde hair… the way the dimples showed in his cheeks effortlessly, and then he spoke…

"I know. I'm Ben and you're not my daddy. Nathan is."

**Woah.**

"_He that never changes his opinions, never corrects his mistakes, and will never be wiser on the morrow than he is today." Tryon Edwards_

I looked back at the boy and then to Haley… and then back to the boy, my son. Benjamin Eli Scott . I remember the day that he was born… the first time that I held him in my arms. When he smiled he had the dimples of his mother and it seems that he also seems to have inherited her raspy voice.

"Alright!" Rachel finally interrupted sweeping Ben onto her free hip. She still had a baby girl on the other. "How would you like to come over to my house and have some pizza with Me and Charlotte and Gracie."

She offered to the little boy who still had his eyes locked on me. Finally after realizing what Rachel said he spoke.

"Is Uncle Mouth gonna be there too?" His face lit up. Rachel and Mouth, go figure.

"Yup! And we can eat pizza and candy and stay up late-"

"Racheeeellllllll" Haley said warningly

Peyton quickly smirked.

"That's exactly why your three year old is medicated." She chided Rachel

"She's just high strung." Rachel quickly shot back as she glanced down at the little red headed girl who was picking holes in her tights.

"Momma, can I go to dinner?" Ben pleaded with Haley

"Yeah baby." Haley mouthed a thanks to Rachel who then handed my son to Peyton and then they headed out again.

For awhile after they left no one spoke. Thoughts were reeling in my head. Why are Nathan and Haley raising Ben? Where is Brooke now that she is not in Tree Hill? Did she abandon our son too? She couldn't have. From the minute that that little boy was born he was her life.

"So Ben lives here with you?" I ask finally

"Yes." Haley said simply as she stared me dead in the eye.

We were sitting alone at the dining room table waiting for Nathan. Although we were feet away from each other it felt like we were worlds apart.

"How, um, how long has-" I could get the words out, I couldn't get my thoughts together. I had expected anything but this.

"He's been with us almost four years."

I thought back and did the math. I had left when Ben was four months old, which means since he is five now Brooke had him for eight months, that's a year right there. So the other four years of his life, the majority of his life, he has been raised by Nathan and Haley.

"And where is Brooke, does she talk to him? Does she see him?" I ask anxiously as I wring my hands together.

"Like I said before, she comes around." Haley was not revealing much, at all.

Out of nowhere the door swings open and footsteps approach us from the hall.

"What the hell is he doing here?"

I turn to face my little brother. I hadn't seen him in four years. He is a man now, Nathan. I never thought that I would ever see him standing before me in a suit for anything but a basketball formal day or maybe a funeral, but low and behold here he is standing in front of me in a suit, with a briefcase, holding a puppy under his arm.

"What is that?" Haley asked pointing to the dog that was happily licking Nathan's face.

"It's the puppy that I promised my son for being so patient with the long hours I've been putting in at work." Nathan said still not taking his eyes off of me.

I realize now my error in assuming that Haley was going to get back again. Nathan, Nathan would be far harder. He looked at me with a little bit of shock, a little bit of annoyance, and if I read his countenance correct a little disgust.

"Hales, can I talk to Lucas please?" Nathan asked still not taking his eyes from me

"No." Haley said firmly shocking Nathan and I both. "Ben is my son too and any conversation that you will have concerning him you can have in front of me."

Nathan looked from Haley, and then to me before he spoke.

"What are you doing back here?" Nathan breathed out taking a seat at the table with Haley and I.

Should I tell them the truth? Should I tell them how lost I have been the past few years? Should I tell them that I regretted everyday that I spent away from my family and that regret ultimately kept me away? Maybe I should tell them that I am a cowards who couldn't face his responsibilities. Maybe I should tell them that my time is running out… I feel my heart palpitate in my chest. I have to calm down. Getting worked up will not help this situation.

"It was time I guess." Finally I spoke

"What do you mean it was time?! The time would have been when Brooke needed you or when your son said his first words and when he took his first steps!" Haley fumed.

I half expected Nathan to try to calm her but he didn't.

"I couldn't live with myself anymore." I confessed. "I couldn't live with not knowing how you guys were, I couldn't deal with not knowing my son."

"So what Luke, you expect to come back and everything be great? You think we can be one big happy family?" Nathan challenged me.

" I don't know."

"Dude," Nathan began and from his tone I knew where this was heading "you left your son no better than our father left you. You knew the hurt that you felt and you went and did it to your own boy! It took me awhile to understand the relationship with you and Keith but I do now. It's what Ben and I have. That boy is not my nephew Luke, he is my son and I'll be damned to let you try to take him away from the only home that he has ever known. He deserves better than to be abandoned."

His words were the truth. His words were part of the reality that I have been avoiding the past four years. My dad left me. I left Ben.

"I'm not trying to take your place Nathan, but I want to know my son. I have the RIGHT to know my son."

"I'm not so sure about that." Nathan said as he stood up and looked around. "Where's Benji?"

"He's at Rachels." Haley said meeting her husbands eyes as she watched him grab his keys. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to spend some time with my son." And with that Nathan was gone.

Haley and I sat in silence for a while. I had never been so torn. Finally Haley turned to me and spoke.

"I hope you know what you're doing Luke." Haley said before heading upstairs. "Oh yeah," she stops midway up. "There is a couch in the basement and spare blankets in the chest under the coffee table."

I nod in response. At that moment I was unable to drudge up any words.

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Chapter 4: Age of Innocence

"DADDY" Ben said running to the door as soon as the Nathan stepped into the Gattina-McFadden household.

"No, no Charlotte honey don't touch ANYTHING!" Rachel screamed at her three year old who was drawing pictures with grape jelly on the porcelain white walls.

The girl looked at her mother mischievously as she placed both hands on the wall rubbing them from side to side making one big, jelly, mess.

"Hey Rach." Nathan said as he stepped into the living room with Ben on his hip.

"Oh god Nate, hey!" Rachel said with a smile as she swooped her hands through her hair. "Sorry Charlotte is just being, … well Charlotte."

Nathan gave her a hearty chuckle. That little girl did live up to her reputation.

"I bet that you were the same when you were her age." He speaks up with a smirk.

"Yeah that's what I'm afraid of cause if that's the case it just keeps going down hill from here." Rachel sighs as Gracies cries came from the baby monitor. "Great."

"Where's the old ball and chain?"

"Mouth?" She sighed again "Campaigning somewhere for something. I have no idea. This election's been pretty hard on him." Out of all people Rachel Gattina had ended up the son of the Mayor. She looked tired as she slumped on the couch. She had resigned herself to the fact that despite her best efforts attempting to get the little girl to lay off the jelly art is a lost cause.

"I bet it's pretty hard on you too." Nathan said giving Rachel a friendly smile before heading to the door. "Friday we're having that barbeque. You're still coming right?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." She answered with a smile. "I think that you know who might show too." She said nervously

"Well than this could get interesting couldn't it?"

"Very interesting."

Nathan walks to the car hand in hand with Ben.

"You have a good time with Rachel?" Nathan asked his son as he strapped him into the back seat.

"Uh huh. We had peanut butter and jelly for dinner cause Rachel cant cook like mama said." Ben chatted with a smile

"Hey buddy, you think we have time for a quick stop?" Nathan asked the little boy.

"Hum" Ben checked his Spiderman watch.

Ben was literally just Brooke and Lucas's features thrown into the same body. He had Lukes eyes, and Brookes mouth, dimples, and nose, and Lukes unruly hair and he could brood like the best of them.

"well," Ben continues "it is twenty seven ninety two now and mama always wants us home by eight so we have forty seven ten minutes so I think we have enough time" he finished seriously proud of his time telling abilities. Haley was still working on him with it.

Nathan smiled as he pulled up to the river court and they hopped out.

"I got something for you." Nathan said opening the back hatch of the car and pulled out the little black lab puppy.

"NUH UH! For real dad, it's mine, he's all mine?!" Ben asked hugging Nathans legs tightly

"All yours and uh, it's actually a she."

Ben swept the puppy into his arms and let it lick his face as he giggled.

"What are you going to name it?" Nathan asked the little boy as they headed to the bleachers to sit.

"Well," Ben began as he hiccupped between words. He for some reason would get the hiccups on a daily basis. "I was thinkin' cause Mama's a James and so is Lebron-"

"Wait, you mean Lebron James like the basketball player?" Nathan questioned the little boy

"Uh huh, Lebron James like the basketball player." He confirmed "That's what his name is."

"It's a her." Nathan corrected him.

"Okay. HER name then is Lebron James." Ben said proudly.

Nathan grinned madly at the little boy who he had given up his life to raise. Taking him was never anything that he or Haley debated. He was their family. Brooke and Lucas couldn't be parents, and they could. That was it.

"You know I love you right Benji?" Nathan asked looking at Ben who was happily petting Lebron.

"Huh huh. I love you too papa." He said looking up at Nathan. " 'n that's why I told him, I told him, I said Lucas you're not my daddy Nathan is. A daddy loves you and he palys basketball with you and he takes you out for ice cream and Lucas doesn't you do." Ben said firmly.

Nathan felt such admiration for the child. He had to deal with a lot at a young age.

"He does love you buddy. He loves you very much but he thought that it was better that Haley and I took care of you." He explained. They had this conversation before but the last thing that Nathan or Haley wanted was for Ben to be ashamed of where he came from or feel that he was at all unwanted.

"And Brooke, Brooke thought the same too." Ben nodded in affirmation "Cause they were younger than most mommies and daddies and you and mommy are too but you were more settled." He rationalized in a very adult manner.

"That's right buddy. That's exactly right."

"How come I see Brooke though and not Lucas till now?"

Nathan thought about how to answer that question. Because nobody knew where the hell Lucas was after he left? Was it because he was too selfish? Well even if that were the case you couldn't say it to a child.

"He lives kind of far away buddy." I say for lack of a better explanation.

"Oh," Ben nods "well is he gonna stay?"

"I don't know yet buddy."

"Oh." Ben said again nodding as Lebron drifted off to sleep in the little boys lap. "Mamma says he played basketball like us. Is he gonna play basketball with us?"

"I don't know." They sat for another few minutes in silence. "Ready to get out of here?" Nathan asks the little boy who is trying to stand up while still clutching Lebron.

"Yup, I'm ready." He said with a big smile as he waddled to the car behind Nathan still holding tight to his puppy.


	4. Fortune Faded

**Chapter 5: Fortune Faded**

"_If we don't change soon, we'll end up where we're going"_

_Professor Irwin Corey_

It was six o'clock when the hustle and bustle started above me. I groaned as I made my way upstairs to the kitchen to see Ben sitting at the table eating cereal.

"Good morning." Ben said politely as he watched me in the doorway.

"Mornin'" I said looking in awe at the boy. I cant believe he's mine. I cant believe all of the stuff that I missed.

"Ben, are you finished?" Haley said as she rushed into the kitchen holding her high heels in one hand as she clipped on her earrings with the other. "Oh Luke, you're up." Haley said nonchalantly

"Yeah."

With nothing more than that mere acknowledgement she turned her attention to Ben.

"Anything going on in class today Ben?" She asks the five year old as he kisses to top of his head.

"We're playing basketball in gym." He said with a big grin. "And I think we're gonna paint." He added as an afterthought. "We always paint on Mondays."

"Cool." Haley responded. "Alright I'm about to head out, daddy's gonna take you to school okay buddy?"

"Okay Mama." Ben earned one last kiss on the cheek before Haley headed out the door.

"You like basketball?" I ask the little boy swinging his legs on the barstool where he sat.

"Um hum, my daddy is the best basketball player ever." Ben said proudly

"Yeah he is." I respond a little bitterly. How can I be jealous of what Nathan and Haley have if it was mine to begin with but I just gave it up?

"Did you even play basketball with him?"

His eyes match my own. He looks almost exactly like me when I was his age.

"Yeah." I respond rubbing the stubble that has sprung up on my chin.

Here is my son sitting in front of me asking me whether or not I've played basketball with Nathan. If only he knew our history.

"Hey look!" Ben said out of nowhere pulling me from my stool with a childish excitement.

He drags me toward the back of the house and stood on his tip toes to reach a door handle that was just out of his reach. Turning and giving me one last dimpled smile he pushes the door open.

Behind it sat the same puppy that Nathan had been holding as a gift for Ben the night before.

"You like him? My daddy got her for me!" Ben boasted proudly as he stuck his little chest out

"Yeah I do."

I watched as Ben took the puppy in his arms and let it ravage kisses all over his face.

"What'd you name him?"

"It's a girl." Ben corrected me, although in the past few minutes I had heard him refer to the dog as her, she, him, and it. "His name is Lebron."

"Lebron huh?"

"Uh huh. Like Lebron James."

"Hey Champ!" Nathan said as he appeared from around the corner.

"Morning Dad!" Ben shrieked as he ran over to Nathan who helped him get his "spiderman" backpack on.

"Hurry up and hop in the car, I don't want you to be late." He ushered the overexcited child out of the door.

Although I see a happy father and son and I am glad that Nathan picked up the slack where I obviously couldn't I cant shake the feeling that it should be me and Ben.

"Here." Nathan blandly tosses me something, a house key. "In case you decided to go out or something."

"Thanks." I answer dryly as I look down at the key in my hand.

Nathan scoffed at me as he turned on his heels.

"Maybe you should go see your mother." He added before closing the door.

My mom. I cant imagine how much all of this has hurt her. As much as I know that I should go to her now I have a lot of other things that I need to worry about. Little did I know that one of my worries was about to spring back into my life.

**Rachels POV**

Its funny because if you asked any of the people that I grew up with where they would be in five years they would have never said here. Luke would be somewhere writing the next great novel. Haley and Nathan would be traveling around the country following his NBA dreams. Peyton would be somewhere producing albums and finding the next great talent and dating some greasy musician or Luke. I would be a famous model somewhere and Brooke would have been a world famous fashion designer. Life has a funny way of slapping you in the face doesn't it?

"Charlotte!" I scream as I run toward the woman who is carrying my screaming daughter over to me. "Oh my gosh I am so sorry, what happened?!" I squealed as I retrieved my daughter from this womans arms.

"She was trying to walk across the monkey bars." The woman scoffed at me as she looked me up and down.

"Are you okay honey?" I ask my screaming daughter as I notice that her arm is bent in the wrong direction.

"She almost landed on top of my daughter." The woman snidely commented again.

"Thank you again." I say as I hurry away with Charlotte wailing in my arms. Quickly with my free hand I reclaim Gracies stroller and head to my car. I need to take her to the ER.

A few hours later

"Is she okay?" Peyton asks as she rushes into the hospital room.

"I nod. She's fine."

There is never a day that I don't question myself as a mother. I am twenty two years old and I have a three year old and an eight month old. When it- Charlotte - happened I was eighteen. It wasn't long after Lucas left. I had come back to town to help Brooke with Ben a bit and offer whatever little baby expertise I had. Brooke had begun to slip, being a single mother is a lot to deal with. I don't know how it happened with Mouth and I. Brooke was out doing whatever and I was babysitting and he came over. The next thing that I knew we were in bed. Nine months later Charlotte Brooke Gattina McFadden was born.

The only baby that I had held before her was Ben but that was completely different. When he cried I could give him back and I didn't have to wake up at 3am to feed him. Mouth had been great though…and then two years had passed, Brooke was gone and I was pregnant again. Nine months after that Gracie Olivia Gattina McFadden was born. It was also somewhere during that time that Mouth realized his dreams of being something big were right at his fingertips…

"What happened?" Peyton asked giving me a quick hug.

"She tried to walk across the monkey bars and fell." I sigh. I was watching her, I really was. It just gets so tiring sometimes.

"Did you call Mouth?" Peyton questioned as she pulled up a chair beside me.

"He's stuck in a meeting." I sigh. Gracie cuddles into my chest as she falls asleep, her legs splayed on either side of my waist.

Peyton and I became good friends over the years. We had banded together at a time for Brookes sake and then realized that we could actually tolerate one another.

"But he's coming though right?" Peyton asked

I shrug. Nothing seems more important to him than upholding this image that he had to portray. The youngest mayor of Tree Hill. The home grown prodigy that will lead us to small town greatness.

"I don't know how much longer I can put up with this Peyton." I confess as I let my anger take the place of my vulnerability. "I don't even understand why we are even together. It's not like he cares about me. I'm just the girl he knocked up and-"

"OH PLEASE RACHEL!" Peyton smirks as she cuts me off "Marvin McFadden has been madly in love with you since we were sixteen years old."

I sigh one last time as I look at my little girl lying in the hospital.

"Then what changed?" I ask myself

Later that same night

I glance at the clock. Eleven o'four. This had to be some meeting or he had better have one hell of a good excuse.

"Hey." He looks like a deer caught in head lights when he finally appears through the front door wearing his suit and carrying a briefcase like some big shot. "I didn't know that you were still awake." He tries the first of many lame excuses that he would be sure to offer my way tonight.

"You were supposed to be home at seven." I lamely take another sip of my coffee.

"I got tied up at work-"

"Well try telling that to your three year old daughter Mouth because she waited up for you until about fifteen minutes ago because she wanted you to sign her cast- or did you forget the fact that your daughter broke her arm today and you were nowhere to be found." I spat. Lately I've gotten over being angry or straight pissed off about it , I'm disgusted.

His face sinks a bit

"How long are we going to keep doing this Rach huh? You know that this election is coming up and it is really important to me. You're putting way too much pressure on me-" He raises his voice. Old Mouth never used to yell or scream.

Old Mouth and I used to be good for each other.

"What do you mean that I am putting pressure on you! Mouth when you have kids some things have to take a backseat."

"I cannot take care of my family without this job."

"Well hell then, maybe I should go take my children and find them a father that will actually be there for them-"

"Well something like that is easy enough for a whore now isn't it."

Before the words left his mouth my hand connected with his cheek- …before I could blink I received his right back. No, we were never meant to be this way. We both stare at one another with venom in our eyes.

"So what, you want me to sit around here and be the mayors house wife?" I ask as I try to suppress the tears that are sliding down my burning cheek.

"Yeah. I do." He said honestly. "Which is why-" He began straightening his tie "Before this election we're getting married."

It had all happened so fast. We weren't even dating when I had Charlotte, and then we were and then there was Gracie and Mouths career marriage hasn't been in the plans for me. At least not now.

"Hell if we are!" I shoot back but he grabs my arm. Hard.

"How do you think it looks that the mayor of this town has two illegitimate children with the former town slut-"

"Quite a hole that you dug for yourself huh Mouth?" I challenge him as he whips me towards his body. "And by the way, it's three illegitimate children." I add as I stare him dead in the eye.

"What?" He asks as his eyes narrow and bore into mine as he slightly releases his grip on my arm.

"Congratulations Mayor McFadden. Your third bastard child is on the way."

"_All human situations have their inconveniences. We feel those of the present but neither see nor feel those of the future; and hence we often make troublesome changes without amendment, and frequently for the worse."_

_Benjamin Franklin_


	5. Rocket Man

**Chapter 6: Rocket Man**

I though that I knew myself. I thought that I knew what I wanted. As time goes on and more things become less clear so does the notion of self. With that thought in mind I sit on the couch in my brothers basement in front of my laptop typing more meaningless words with hope that something will come from it.

"Luke?" I hear a little boys voice say from behind me.

I turn to see Ben looking up at me. His blue eyes connect with mine as he scratches his lightly freckled nose.

"Hey bud, what's up?" I ask the little boy who is now bouncing on his toes.

"Momma wants you to come up. She's sayin' people are gonna be here soon for the barbeque."

"Okay, I'll be up in a minute."

Ben looks at my computer curiously.

"What are ya doin?" He asks climbing into the chair beside me practically sitting on my lap.

I am taken aback by his sudden closeness.

"Writing." I say simply for lack of better explanation.

"Oh." He says with a sigh. "Momma says that I have to practice writing a lot cause I get my letters mixed up sometimes. But Brooke tells me that it's okay because she still does it sometimes too."

I am taken aback by his words and now even more confused than I have been. Since I have been here I have yet to get a straight story about Brooke. Everyone tiptoes around the subject but apparently she is around somehow, right?

"Do you see Brooke a lot?" I finally ask Ben who shrugs as he examines my computer

"Sometimes. She held me in her stomach when I was a baby." He explains as he turns to me. "Shes fun, she takes me to the park and to get ice cream sometimes."

"Where does she live?"

Sadly I realize that I the only information that I am getting is from a five year old who doesn't know any better.

"Charlotte." He said as he scratched his nose again. "It is FAR away. Daddy says that you didn't come to visit me because you were far away too."

He looks me dead in the eye… my stomach falls to my feet.

"Did he?" I respond lamely

Luckily the kid seems to have inherited his mothers attention span and before I knew it he was onto the next topic.

"I gotta go find Lebron." He said before darting out of the room

I'm not looking forward to this barbeque. Since I've been back I've seen everyone save Mouth and Jake and none of them collectively.

"LUKE!" Haley calls from upstairs.

Shit. I know better than to mess with Haley, especially while she is hosting.

"Coming!" Quickly I throw on a clean shirt from my duffel and run upstairs.

Rachel was already there with Gracie on her hip as she tossed the salad. Ben and Charlotte were outside chasing each other around the yard while Nathan was tinkering with the grill.

"Took you long enough." Haley joked with me almost like her old self.

"Sorry." I say looking around with my hands shoved deep in my pockets. "Anything I can help with?"

"HERE!" Rachel answered a little too quickly as she forced Gracie into my arms. "Can you give her a bottle? I have a bag with all that stuff on the table." She gestures to the bag with a playboy bunny stamped on the front easily turning back to her salad. Oh Rachel.

I look at the baby in my hands. She (like Rachel and Charlotte) has red hair and like her father a gigantic mouth. Her bottom lip quivers as her eyes begin to fill with tears.

"Sure."

I remember the first time that I held Ben. It felt so right, so natural. It was Brooke who was terrified to hold him. She was afraid that his head would fall off or that she would break his spine. Things had changed rather quickly though. She ended up stepping up as a parent and then I ended up leaving.

"Hey! The party's here!" A voice booms from the hall. I peek around the corner, and of course it's the one and only Jake Jagielski.

"Bro!" He greets me with a manly hug. "I heard you were back around."

He had not changed a bit since high school. Same old honest, genuine, hardworking guy. Peyton followed close behind him with Jenny riding on her back.

"Hey Luke." Peyton says in a friendly way, however it is an absolute departure from the last time that we saw each other. Jenny waved politely from her shoulders.

"Come on," Jake says as he wraps an arm lazily around my shoulder "let's leave the women in the kitchen and you can tell me where the hell you've been for the past four years over the barbeque."

"Watch it!" Haley warns as she shoots him a glare

"Hey!" Nathan and Jake greet each other as we make our way into the yard.

Ben, Jenny, and Charlotte by this time were in their swimsuits splashing around happily in the baby pool that Nathan had filled up with water from the hose. At first I though that I was seeing things- maybe the sun was catching him in the wrong way… but no. I notice that Ben has what looks like a burn scar covering the left side of his ribs. Something is really not right.

"Hey Luke," Nathan calls breaking me from my reverie "make yourself useful and get the ribs off the grill."

Nathan hasn't exactly warmed up to me since I've been back, but its definitely better. I think that more than anything they are all more curious than anything as to what prompted me to come home after almost all of this time. That however, is just something that I have to reveal in my own time.

"Luke?" someone says from behind me.

I turn to see an older, more tired looking Mouth McFadden.

"Hey man." I say not quite sure how to respond to the man in front of me. This is not the Mouth that I knew.

"What are you doing back?" He asks haphazardly taking a swig of his beer,

"Rachel didn't tell you?"

"She doesn't tell me much." He responds taking another swig of his beer. Out of the corner of my eye I see Nathan and Jake shooting one another looks. "Where is she anyway?" Mouth asked looking around

I can tell by his glassy gaze that he is a little drunk. This is not the Mouth that I grew up with. Something in him had changed. It figures though, the kid was always the good guy, he always did everything right. It is completely possible that the tension just built up in him to the point where he lost himself. Of course, there is still the off chance that he is just the same good old drunk Mouth.

"She's inside. Leave her in there for a minute man, she's been tired." Nathan says turning to Mouth.

Now I really feel like I'm missing something but it is more that obvious that Mouth and Rachel are less than a happy couple.

"Let's eat!" Peyton exclaims stepping out of the kitchen onto the patio.

The meal went on rather uneventfully although at times you could cut the tension with a knife. Charlotte and Ben were caught at the kids table shoving baked beans up their noses. I learned also that Nathan and Jake now coached the Ravens and Peyton is working on some album covers.

"Can I get everybodys attention please!" Mouth stumbled as he rose with a wine glass in his hand "As you all know," he began before clearing his throat. This should be interesting. "I have been dating the lovely Rachel Gattina for the past three years."

"Oh no." Rachel sighed as she put her head in her hands

"You also know that she and I have two illegitimate children together and a third on the way."

"MOUTH!" Jake warned as he stood up and roughly grabbed his arm.

"Wait!" Rachel shouts flying to her feet as well. "Let him finish."

I could hear Peyton and Haley whispering "shes pregnant?" to one another

"What Mouth, what else do you have to say?" Rachel challenges him.

"Well like I said we have two, no THREE illegitimate children, so I think it's now time that we made this official." He slurs as he gulps wine from his glass.

"Make what official? The fact that you're an ASS HAT!" Rachel screams now catching even the childrens attention.

"Jenny, take Ben and Charlotte inside okay?" Peyton asked the eldest of the children without taking her eyes off of the scene unfolding in front of all of us.

Apparently Jenny figures better than to argue and quickly does as she is told. The only child left in Gracie who is asleep and content in Peytons lap.

"So what, you won't marry me then?!" Mouth challenges Rachel as he drops his wine glass to the ground allowing it to shatter.

Things have changed more than I could have imagined.

"Hell no I will not marry you. I can barely stand the SIGHT of you! I already TOLD you the other night. God Mouth this is so like you to try to manipulate me in front of everybody!"

"MOMMA, MOMMA!" Ben screams running around the side of the house oblivious to the drama

"What is it Ben?" Haley asked alarmed

"Look!" He said with a smile pointing to the gate

Slowly I turn to see Brooke standing before us all wide eyed with her jar ajar.

She looked good, really good. Maybe she was a little skinny and tired but she was Brooke Davis, as beautiful as the day that I met her and the day she gave birth to my son.

"Oh shit." she mutters as her eyes connect with mine.

"_You gain strength, courage and confidence by ever experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the nest thing that comes along.' You must do the thing that you think you cannot do." _

_Eleanor Roosevelt_

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**Hey! So more soon, Brookes back. Still doing requests. More of Lyrical Chastity should be up soon. It's written but i have to re-read it. I am very particular about that story... lots of depth. If you havent read it check it out. **

**Please review! **_  
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	6. A Haze That Time Recalls

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Chapter 7: A Haze of Time Recalled

I firmly believe in intuition. That doesnt mean that I believe that you may know what is going to happen exactly when, where, and how- it doesnt even mean that I believe you know what is happening itself, do you follow? Alright let me try again.

I was four years old and I had a goldfish. Her name was Georgia. Georgia and I were best friends. Late at night I would stay up and talk to her and tell her all of my secrets, and she was there for me when my parents went out of town and left me with the mean nanny. This one beautiful summer day I took her out to my backyard with me. It was perfect, but when I went to bed that night I had this feeling that things with Georgia and I were never going to be the same again when I woke up Georgia was dead.

That is also pretty much what happened when I got pregnant with Ben. Months before I found out that I was pregnant with him Lucas and I had broken up, but I knew that I would always be connected to him and then the strip turned pink.

Driving to Tree Hill today I knew that something would be different, I knew that something would turn my world upside down but I never, never would have guessed that Lucas Scott would resurface after four years.

Brooke. He spoke as he rose from his seat

Suddenly everyones attention was on me, luckily out of nowhere thunder cracked in the sky and rain began to pour on our perfect picnic. However, I was thankful for the distraction because there was nothing else to do that moment but scoop up Ben in my arms and follow my friends into the shelter of Nathan and Haleys house.

He looks the same as he did five years ago, except a little more tired. I guess that we all do. Life hit us all like a ton of bricks. I became a mom before my time and was forced to grow up. It was pretty much the same with Rachel except the guy that knocked her up stayed with her, although it is still up for debate whether that was a good thing for either of them.

Once inside the small living room we were unable to deny what we had all been running from for the past five years.

Rachel and Mouth really have no relationship and it just may be too late to salvage it.

Nathan and Haley have been the perfect family for Ben most of his life, and now here Lucas and I are- the royal fuck ups who couldnt put two and two together for their child

Needless to say you can cut the tension in this house with a knife.

"Momma!" Ben squeals reaching out for Haley who gratefully took him in her arms.

Its hard hearing my baby call another woman Momma, but I did what I had to do.

I cant believe that he has the balls to come back here after all of this time? What the hell does he want anyway, and further more when didnt anyone TELL ME that he was here?!

"Storm- "Jake began nervously who knew.

He hasnt taken his eyes off of my since the moment that I walked through that gate. I bet hes wondering where the hell Ive been and why his son is being raised by his brother and best friend. Honestly I am not sure if he deserves the answer.

My life was a wreck after he left. Its not like he did that much for Ben or I before he left but at least he was there. When everything fell on my shoulders alone it was too much to handle. After the accident, what happened with Ben, I wasnt able to forgive myself. I knew that I couldnt do it on my own. Thats when Nathan and Haley stepped up.

Where have I been since then? I have an apartment in Charlotte I dance for money and yeah, thats about it.

 and then the lights flickered.

"Mamma!" Jenny screams as she runs into Peytons arms. Jenny has always been afraid of the dark.

"Nathan do we have flashlights or something?" Haley asks as she heads to the kitchen with Ben still in her arms.

"I thought that you had picked some up from the store!" Nathan mused as he began to search with Haley under the sink for flashlights.

"Luke!" I watched Ben make his way over to Lucas. "I left Lebron outside!"

Ben was almost in tears as Lucas scoops him in his arms.

"Its okay, Im sure hes fine." Lucas tries, obviously not comfortable comforting the child.

Why was Lebron outside? Haley mused as she overheard the little boy and Lucas.

Ben sighed and shrugged his shoulders.

"Cause you tol me that I have to be responsible for him an so I was takin him for a walk an then I saw Brooke an I forgot!"

Now Ben was almost in tears as his father scooped him into his arms.

"Hows this buddy, I have to run to the auto garage to get some batteries for the flashlights, Ill look for Lebron on the way hows that?" Nathan offered the young boy.

"You cant seriously go out in this weather Nate." Peyton tries to reason

True, the weather is bad but the auto shop, where Nathan works is only like three streets up.

"Ill be fine." Nathan assured

"Ill go with you". Haley offered grabbing her jacket.

And then I get that feeling again. The feeling that I had my last day with Georgia, and the feeling that I had before I got pregnant with Ben. Something is about to change.

"Are you sure?" Nathan asks

"Hales-" Luke warns

"No, its fine. Nathan cant drive and look for Lebron at the same time. It will be faster with the two of us." She smiles without a care in the world as the rain began to cease. See, its letting up.

That is true. The pitter patter of the rain drops on the roof have become far less violent in the last few minutes.

"I love you Benji." Haley says kissing my-her son goodbye.

"Be careful Mamma." Ben said as he saw Nathan and Haley off from the window.

"Back up from the window buddy." I urge him as I pick him up and carry him back to the living room.

"So what now?" Jake asks

"What now?" Hopefully nothing. The last thing that I want to do in be in the same room as Lucas.

"Maybe we should try to put the kids down." Peyton suggested

I can see Rachel nod through in the light of the window. She had Gracie on her hip and was holding Charlotte by the ponytail to keep her from escaping into the dark.

Even in the dark I can feel that his eyes are on me, and for a minute it almost felt like it used to when we were younger and he would stare at me across the room and I would get those butterflies in my stomach. But then I think of the fact that he abandoned my son and I. I dont really think that I am hurt anymore, just angry and confused.

"Brooke." He tries to stop me as I head out of the room with Rachel, Peyton, and the kids.

"Later." I warn in a hushed whisper as I scoop Ben into my arms and follow everyone else upstairs.

"Into bed we go!" Peyton said lifting Jenny, Ben, and then Charlotte into Nathan and Haleys king sized bed.

"Why are we going to bed?" Jenny whined

"Because I said so!" Peyton was tucking in the children so tightly they are unable to move.

"But its only six!" Jenny complained again.

"Brooke?" Ben asks as his eye lids begin to fall. I think the excitement of the picnic is making all of the kids tired.

"Yeah baby?" I kneel beside the bed where he is laying and stroke his honey blonde hair.

"Are mom and dad going to come home with Lebron?" As he asks his mouth opens up into a little yawn.

"Yeah baby, they will. Night Benji." I give him a gentle kiss on the cheek.

"Night Brooke."

Quietly Rachel, Peyton and I tip-toe into the hall.

"I need a drink." Rachel muses

"Rach! Youre pregnant!" Peyton reminds her

"Shit." Rachel curses herself.

True, Rachel has been more often pregnant than not in the past three years which is no walk in the park. Especially for someone with habits like hers.

But we can! Peyton chirps as she pulls Rachel and myself back downstairs.

The storm rages outside of the window. It has picked up again. We enter the kitchen to find Jake and Lucas each with a gallon of ice cream.

"What? Its gonna melt!" Jake explains with a mouth full of ice cream causing some to dribble down his chin.

In that case Rachel heads towards the boys grabbing a spoon allowing herself to be taken over by the ever so rampant cravings of pregnancy.

"How long is this thing supposed to last?" Peyton asks as she snuggles up on the counter beside Jake

"Its been long enough." Jake mutters "Have any of you heard anything from Nathan and Haley?"

Everyone looks around at one another and shakes their heads no. They should be back soon. Theyre probably just looking for Lebron.

"There is OFFICIALLY no more beer." Mouth slurs as he stumbles into the kitchen.

We all turn to face our friends who is leaning in the doorway.

"You dumbass youre going to get alcohol poisoning!" Rachel snaps at him. "All that you fucking do is drink Mouth!"

"Rach-" I grabbed he arm gently. "You need to calm down, its not good for the baby."

"MOMMA!" A voice screams from upstairs as lighting pops above our heads

'That was Jenny." Peyton says as she hurries upstairs with Jake close behind her which left Lucas, Rachel, and drunk Mouth and I. Lovely.

"So," Mouth slurs "anyone ever figure out where the hell youve been these past few year Luke?"

"Mouth!" Rachel warns

"Man, maybe you wanna go upstairs and crash?" Lucas suggests as he hops off of the counter and heads toward Mouth.

"Why? Because Im drunk, because I may say something that I regret?! No wait youre afraid that Ill say something that YOU will regret."

Lucas looks on a Mouth sternly.

"I bet you want to know what shes been doing the past four years huh?" He sloppily gestures toward me with a half empty beer bottle.

"Shut up Mouth!"

"Shut up Mouth says the SLUT! He turns back to Lucas before he finishes I bet you didnt know that youre former high school sweet heart takes her clothes off for a living; grinds her bare ass against guys-"

Lighting struck, figuratively and otherwise.

"Leave her alone!" Lucas says stepping toward Mouth

"What in the world is going on here and WHY does Lucas feel the need to come to my defense and where the HELL is Naley?!"

"Youre out of line Mouth!" Rachel shouts as she jumps off the counter

Luke. I hear a litle voice come from behind us

We both turn to see Ben standing behind us in his underoos rubbing his tired eyes. His hair is sticking out at all angles just how Lukes does right when he wakes up.

"Whats up Bud, I thought you were asleep?" Lucas whispered to the child as he swept him up in his arms.

Watching them reminds me of how it should be, how it should have been. We could have been a family, but like is said before it was all too much too soon. Even now Im sure that I am not totally ready to be anyones mother, despite the fact that theres Ben and all. Ive made too many mistakes and he has been the one who had to suffer.

"I want my dad." Ironic. Ben cries into Lukes shirt

"Hell be home soon buddy."

There was then a soft scratching at the front door followed by a sharp yelp and screeching metal.

"LEBRON!" Ben screams as he flies from Lukes arms towards the front door.

"Ben NO!" I scream as Lucas and I chase behind him, but we were too late he was already in the front yard soaked to the bone as he clutched Lebron.

"BEN!" I scream as I propel myself further into the storm and take the drenched boy in my arms, but as I raised my head the sight in front of me made my heart stop. Luke. I try to call but my voice gets stuck in my throat. Luke. I try again only to find that he is right behind me gawking at the exact same sight.

Twisted metal, shards of glass, a smashed windshield... Naley.

_"Everything is a dangerous drug, except reality which is unendurable"_

_Cyril Connolly_


	7. Echoes of Silence

Chapter 8: Echoes of Silence

Everything after that moment is a blur. Brooke screamed, Peyton pulled her back inside… Jake and I scoured the wreckage as Rachel called the ambulance. Haley had been thrown from the car, Peyton brought me a blanket to cover her up with. She was unconscious but she had a pulse. Nathan however was still pinned in the car with his head in the windshield. Glass was shattered every which way around him.

The paramedics couldn't make it all of the way onto the street. There was a tree down at the corner blocking the road. They had to cut the top of the roof off of the car to get Nathan out. Both he and Haley were both flown to Shock Trauma where we are now waiting for word on them.

Rachel had stayed back at the house with the kids. Jake drove me, Peyton and Brooke to the hospital.

Brooke is white as a ghost as she huddles on the couch beside Peyton. She has her hands folded in front of her mouth while Peyton looks just as devastated beside her. Jake however looks at me reassuringly.

"It'll be alright man." He laid a calm hand on my shoulder

As much as Jakes words helped in the moment I know better than to believe it. You had to have seen it. The twisted metal, the shredded glass… there is no way that it is going to be okay.

"I hope so."

And then my thoughts automatically travel to Ben. What is going to happen to him if Nathan and Hal- no. I cant think about that. Nathan and Haley need us to be strong.

"Mr. Scott?" One of the doctors questions the waiting room. I look up immediately.

"I'm Lucas Scott." I offer flying from the chair to meet the doctor.

"Your brother made it through surgery." The tone that he spoke in was pointed and even. "However his condition is still grave. He sustained serious head injuries in the accident and has moderate swelling of the brain. We were forced to remove a portion of the skull to accommodate his brain. He had also suffered a collapsed lung and several broken bones. He is still in a drug induced coma, at this point it is up to him whether or not he comes out of it."

It was all so much information to digest.

"When could that be?" I ask

"Next week, next month, next year, never. There is really no way to tell. His brain needs to heal and then once it does we will see how much capacity it has or if the damage has been too great."

So my brother could never wake up… and if he does he may not be the same person. He may not even be able to function.

"And Haley?" I ask hoping that she fared better than Nathan had.

"Haley, like Nathan sustained severe head trauma. She has a broken rib, several shattered ribs, a broken arm and minor internal injuries." He explains

"So she will be okay?"

"She is comatose as well Mr. Scott, but like I said her prognosis is better than Nathans. Luckily the baby made it through the accident-"

"Baby?" Brooke cut in. She must have crept over without me knowing.

"Yes, Haley is about four months pregnant." The doctor continued.

"Did you all know this?" I turn to Peyton and Jake to ask

Both Peyton and Jake look down and nod sadly.

"Good god." Brooke sighed sitting back into her chair

They survived, that was the very least that I had prayed. Now we just have to wait it out.

"Can I see them?"

The doctor shook his head no.

"Not until their conditions stabalize. At this point there is actually nothing else that you kids can do here tonight. You should just get on home to your families."

Begrudgingly we all raised to our feet.

"What are we going to tell Ben?" Brooke says finally, the rest of the ride had been completely silent as everyone else ponders the same question.

No one spoke because no one knew the answer. That night connected us all, everyone that was well at least. We made it back to Nathan and Haley house in one piece. Jake went almost immediately upstairs to where Jenny was lying with Charlotte and slipped in bed beside her. Peyton followed in suit. This day has taken a lot out of us all.

Mouth is passed out in the bathroom clutching the toilet bowl.

The last thing that I can do right now is sleep though. I notice that the door to Bens room is cracked open.

I peer inside to see Ben in just his pajama pants. He snuggles up to Brookes chest as he sleeps. She on the other hand is surveying the scars, the burns, on his side as she rubs them soothingly. It leads me to wonder even more what happened.

"Hey." I finally reveal myself in the doorway.

"How long are you going to be here Lucas?" She asks me. Her voice sounds young and scared.

"I'm not leaving you guys." I step further into the light

"That's what you said last time." She spoke, but her voice doesn't sound bitter. It is more sad. "I'm going back to Charlotte Lucas."

"Brooke-" I plead

"And I'm taking Ben with me."

"Brooke." Rachel shook me awake

I guess that I had fallen asleep beside Ben god knows how long ago.

"What do you want Ho, I'm trying to sleep!" I turn over to see Rachel standing above me as she rocks Gracie.

"Have you talked to Lucas yet?" Rachel asks plopping beside me, ignoring my obvious frustration from having been woken up.

"Ugh." I swear that I would slap Rachel for waking me up were she not holding Gracie. "Yes, well no. He told me that he wasn't going to leave us again."

I look down at my son soundly asleep beside me. He is so innocent in all of this. He doesn't deserve it.

"Well that's good right?" Rachel asks as she settles against the headboard, balancing Gracie on her chest.

"No it's not good! That is the same thing that he said before and look what happened." I point out

Those years had been so hard for me. I wanted to prove to myself that I was good enough for someone. I wanted to know that I was good enough to be someones mother, someones girlfriend, and maybe even someday someones wife. I wanted the family that I never had, but I was young.

Rachel sighed.

"I'm taking Ben back to Charlotte."

Rachels eyes get big as I turn to face her.

"You know that you cant do that right?" She asks as she quirks a brow at me.

"What do you mean I can't do that?"

I don't like being told that I am wrong. Especially by Rachel.

"Ben just lost his parents, well kinda. You cant take all of this away from him too. This is the only home that he has ever really known!"

Rachel does have a point though although I remain hesitant to admit it. I don't want to take Ben away from his life. I just don't think that I can stand to live here with Lucas again. Maybe it is time for me to get over myself and do what is best for my son for once in his life.

"I know." I sigh. "I just don't think that I can live here with Lucas."

"Well live with me then." Rachel chirps

"What?"

"I'm leaving Mouth."

Rachel's words ring in my ears. "I'm leaving Mouth." Sure the two of them have had their problems but I always figured that they would work it out. Somehow they seem so perfectly dysfunctional that it worked. It leads me to wonder now if there is hope for any of us.

XOXOXOXOXO

_Hey, sorry for the wait. I just am super busy in life. Anyway do any of you know how to save a doc so that the formatting is preserved? Other than that I'm deciding whether to continue Lyrical Chastity or just maybe to a quick tie up to. I posted these stories at the same time to see which one would get a better response and it has been this one. Other than that I'm starting to type all of the stories out before i post another new one so the ones in the works (although they wont be seen for awhile) are "Moms Red Hooker Boots", and "Waif Me." Moms red hooker boots focuses strongly on Lucas Peyton and Brooke, not even in a love triangle sort of way and Brachel friendship, while Waif Me will primarily focus the girls- and it is going to be super dark, kind of my take on the whole attack thing... but its humor too.  
_

Thanks!

Jules


	8. Things better left unsaid

Hey ya'll this is basically a filler chap- stuff happens but it all takes place during one conversation. There is more craziness next chapter I should get it up later in the week. Read the note at the end because Ive written up to a point but I need your imput about ONE THING (unless you have more :)

thanks!

jules

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**Chapter 9: Things better left unsaid**

_Three years ago:_

_Rain fell angry from the sky as thunder cracked above the small town. In the midst of the chaos a nineteen years old girl scurries out of her car in the midst of it all. Quickly, but not too quick to get drenched, she reached into the backseat of her car to retrieve a screaming baby._

"_Ssshhh baby, it's gonna be okay." She coos at her son trying to soothe him to no avail._

_She sweeps the baby into her arms and begins the jog to the third floor of the apartment building. She slipped on the third flight… the stairs had no cover so were slick with water._

"_Shit." She screams as she falls to her knees, catching herself with one hand while holding onto the baby for dear life with the other._

_It seemed like forever before she reached the door. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she rapped on the door. It was three am and she had to bang hard to be heard over the claps of thunder. _

_At last the door swung open to reveal Haley James in Snoopy pajamas and her hair tussled upon her head._

"_Brooke?" She breathes out in her sleepy voice backing away from the door so that Brooke could slip in beside her. "You're soaked to the bone!" Haley rushed to the bathroom to get a towel for Brooke and the baby. _

_She noticed that Brooke was limping._

"_Sorry to wake you up." Brooke apologized. Even though her face was slick with rain Haley could see the tears streaming down her face._

"_What's going on?" Haley asked as the two settled down on the couch._

"_Nothing. I'm fine." Brooke perked up trying to be brave._

"_Brooke, forgive me for stating the obvious but there's a hurricane going on outside, and you thought you would just drop by with a baby at three am? Somethings wrong." Haley spoke pointedly._

_In the time since Lucas left Haley and Brooke got extremely close. He and Peyton split right before he left… even before that though things had been tense with Peyton and Brooke. Lets see, one best friends is dating a boy, and then he starts dating the other friend when the first one realizes that she's pregnant- and then he left them both._

_Groaning Brooke threw herself back on the couch._

"_I cant do this tutor girl- I thought I could but I cant. It's true what everyone said, I am a horrible mother!" Brooke cried as she looked down at Ben who was asleep in her lap._

_Haley sighed, she knew that Brooke had been having trouble forgiving herself after the "accident"._

"_Of course you can Tigger, no parent is perfect. Name one of our parents that is perfect?" Haley tried to reason_

"_But this is Tree Hill, and I doubt that in other towns there are illegitimate kids the same age fathered by the same man, or druggie basketball moms that wear valor sweat suits, or so many people that would just willingly leave their children." Brooke huffs as she allows tears to freely flow down her face._

_Haley watched her best friend closely praying that she wasn't about to make a stupid decision._

_  
"Sweetie-" Haley reached and took Brookes trembling hand in her own._

"_I cant do this Hales." Brooke chocked out springing to her feet_

"_Brooke-wait!" Haley leapt after her clutching a still soaking Ben in her arms._

"_No! I cant Hales…" Brooke covered her mouth with her hand as she backed toward the door. "I'm sorry."_

_And with that Brooke ran out into the storm and never looked back because that required strength, and in that moment she felt like nothing more than a coward._

I don't know how we are going to do this. Brooke and I tried before at the whole parenting thing and apparently both failed so what's any different now?

When I left I had this feeling in my gut that I was doing the wrong thing. I knew that if I left and never came back that my son would think no better than me than I thought of Dan, but now that I have the chance to prove to him that I can be better than my father was to me I'm not sure that I want it. I don't deserve it. He shouldn't have me at the expense of the people who have cared for him all of his life.

And those are my thoughts as I head to meet Brooke at the river court. It has been three days since the accident and Brooke and I have had surprisingly little to say to one another. Ben has said very little about everything. He hasn't been eating. He just stays locked up in his room with Lebron.

"Hey." Brooke greets me. I am surprised to see that she is already there.

She wore a simply t-shirt and jeans and had bags under her eyes that even she couldn't hide behind her dimples or silky brown hair.

"Hey." I reply climbing up beside her on the picnic table.

The sky is cloudy today and another set of storms are waiting to break overhead.

We sit for awhile. The silence isn't awkward or anything. We just have to get used to being in one anothers presence again. Neither one of us knows how the other one feels anymore. When I was around Brooke when we were dating my heart would race. When we had split up after she had cheated on me with Chris Keller I looked at her and felt disgust, and when she was pregnant with Ben as horrible as it is to admit the sight of the bump on her stomach terrified me. Now I just don't know.

Finally Brooke was the one to break the silence.

"What are we going to do?" She whispered a little too helplessly.

As cowardly as it is I was hoping that Brooke would come here with the answers to all of the problems that life had just dropped on our laps. I hoped that she would call me a bastard and slap me across my face and tell me that she was taking Ben to Charlotte with her and never turning back. At least then I wouldn't have to make any decisions and if life fell flat on it's ass it would be all her fault. Now that we are here, together, for the first time in years I see that she needs me. All that I can hope is that I don't let her down… again.

"I don't know pretty girl." I sigh

I can see that she cuts me a glare although she does anything but turn and face me.

"Don't call me that." She snaps.

"Sorry." I reply lamely.

I remember the last time that I saw Ben before I left. Haley had dragged Brooke out for the night and appointed me caretaker of the evening. He cried and cried that night… he barely knew who I was. Never in my life have I been afraid of anything so small. Does that make me a coward, sure?

"I-" Brooke sighs, "I just want to do what is best for my son." she finally finishes

What does she mean she wants to do what is the best for HER son?! Ben is my son, I made him just the same that she did… sure a considerable amount more effort was required on her part but he is still my son!

"Like I don't?" I hissed through gritted teeth as her eyes connect with my own

"Well how the hell am I supposed to know Lucas? You were the one who left him!" She isn't holding back anymore

"I left him?! So what was it that you did then? We BOTH left that little boy Brooke, okay? You and me- we left him. We fucked up. I have a four year old son who I don't even know and it kills me Brooke it kills me!" I try to hold it back, I try to be a man but despite my best efforts I feel tears brimming in my eyes.

Brooke wraps her arms around herself protectively.

"Why'd you do it Luke?" Her voice cracks as she speaks. She doesn't even look angry at this point, just sad… and it breaks my heart.

I have no answer. I thought that I did but with everything going on right now… the repercussions of my actions have makes everything else seem so invalid. So I do what I have been doing the past five years… I avoided the situation.

"I think that we should find someone for Ben to yanno, talk to."

Brookes looks to me… I can see confusion and hurt in her eyes. I want to scream at her that she never did anything wrong, I want to scream at her that I never stopped loving her and that she and our son were always my world- but something stops me. My pride maybe?

She chews her lip as she tries to put on a brave face, but I can see right through it.

"I cant do this."

Quickly on her heels she turns to head back to her car

"Brooke wait-" I chase after her, she is wiping away her tears when I reach her. "Brooke!"

Without thinking I reach out and grab her arm, pulling her to my chest so that we are face to face… closer that I have been to her in five years.

She looks at me expectantly. I search my mind for the right words and the strength to tell her all that I have to say… once again I fail her.

"Don't bother Luke."

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**So** **I've come to a point in the story -obviously- what i have typed and not posted where I need your imput. If i were to introduce any two characters to the story who would they be?**

-Hot Uncle Cooper

-Derek (the REAL one)

or

-Chris Keller

**Let me know! It will help me get further along in the writing. **

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	9. Provoke a Smile

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Hey guys! Thanks for all of the reviews from the last chapter. I like this one alot... lots of Brachel because they're super cute. The next chapter will focus on Naley and Lucas! I literally think that i got an even amont of votes all around for Derek, Uncle Cooper, and Chris scenario so... yeah. Unless anyone has a very strong opinion and feels compelled to leave it now you'll be surprised.

Alright, now here it is.

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Chapter 10: Provoke a Smile

It is nearly noon when I wake up to the feeling of light pressure on my back, and then it gave way- but it was only seconds later that I felt it again, but more urgent this time.

Rolling over I squint in the sunlight to see Ben looking up at me. His face is melancholy as he studies me hard. Did I really just sleep until noon?

The conversation with Lucas had been extremely unsuccessful as well as unsettling. It happened over a week ago and I havent seen him since. He has been staying with Peyton and Jake. What had happened to him that he cant tell me? This is not the Lucas Scott that I fell in love with Im starting to believe that he doesnt exist anymore.

Again, Ben shoves me.

Uh baby, Im sorry- I was just so tired and I slept in- I began but Ben cut me off. He doesnt care about my excuses.

Im hungry. He states simply.

God, I bet that this child is starving and its all my fault. If Im going to do this now, if I am going to be there for my son I have to get myself together and I have to do it with or without Lucas.

Im sorry Benji, what do you want- I could make you cereal! I offer with a smile trying to distract the boy from his grumbling stomach and the fact that I am a horrible person.

He shakes his head no.

No. I want eggs and bacon and pancakes cause its a Sunday an thats what my Mama always makes me on Sundays! Ben said firmly.

Desperately I try to think of the last time that I made anyone anything for breakfast. I think that Rachel and a serious hangover may have been involved but that was probably over five years ago at this point,

Pancakes and eggs it is! I agree as I swing my tired body off of my bed.

and bacon! He chirps as he bounds down the hall behind me.

and bacon. I correct myself. And frog legs and mud pies and snake eyeballs! I add smirking at the little boy as I begin to tickle him silly provoking a smile from him for the first time in almost a week.

Ew Aunt Brooke, thats gross! Ben shrieks as he escapes my grasp

I feel the same twinge in my heart every time that the little boy that I gave birth to calls me Aunt, but it never gets any easier.

Alright. I swoop Benji up onto the counter and placed a bowl and carton of eggs beside him. Get to crackin! I order

Ben looks at me uneasily

Mama never lets me crack the eggs cause I get shells in em. He explains

Well. I am unsure of how to respond to that one. I dont see any harm in it.

Another smile, (only noon and already the second one of the day) breaks out on Bens face.

Cool. He smirks mischievously as he cracks an egg into the bowl, perfectly might I add

Way to go Ben. I praise him. How do you know how to do that so well?

I watched my Mamma when she was cooking dinner. He explains How come you never cook dinner Brooke?

I try to think. Maybe it is because I am absolutely incompetent in the kitchen, or maybe it is because I am used to eating out because nobody ever cooked for me.

Well- I begin but before I can finish the front door swings open

Mornin slut! Rachel greets me as she barrels through the door with Gracie on her hip and Charlotte dragging behind her on a leash.

Good god is your kid on a leash?! I exclaim taking Gracie from her arms.

Rachel ignores my comment as she pops a blueberry into her mouth.

You spend twenty minutes with her. I cant control my laughter. What ya makin?

Pancakes an Bacon, and Eggs! Ben informs her And I cracked an egg and didnt even get any of the shell in the bowl! He beams extremely proud of himself

Hear that Charlotte, Aunt Brooke is making you breakfast.

YAY! Charlotte bounces up and down clapping her hands wildly until Rachel yanks on the leash to control her.

I never said that I was feeding- I begin less than enthusiastic to make more food, but Rachel cut me off.

Of course you are Brooke. Rachel unsnaps the three year old red head leaving her only in the harness part of the leash.

Mamma- I mean Brooke Ben quickly catches himself Can Charlotte and I go play with my trucks?

Ben just called me Mom well almost he caught himself but still. As much as I want to be a mother to him I cant help but feel that I am stealing from Haley. I shouldnt be making him breakfast, but Im glad that I amand I feel guilty as hell about that. Sometimes when we are together it feels so natural. Rachel and I catch one another gaze.

Of course you can baby.

Grinning the two run upstairs to play, leaving Rachel, Gracie and I in the kitchen. I balance Gracie on my hip as I begin to scramble the eggs. Rachel being no help of course hops onto the counter and watches.

You know that you could at least help right? I roll my eyes at my best friends as she lazily picks her fingernails.

I would, but Im knocked up with round three so I think that Im fine where I am. She assures me with a smirk.

Never in a million years did I imagine that Rachel would have one, let alone three children- especially because were not even 23 yet. I guess I could have figured though.

Ugh, so its my fault that youre a stupid ho! Besides, you were like pole dancing when you were pregnant with Charlotte! I groan, but Rachel ignores me

Seen Luke? She asks simply.

I stop scrambling the eggs and look up at her.

Here take your kid. I put Gracie in Rachels arms as I pull my hair back into a loose ponytail. Have you talked to Mouth? I ask trying to change the topic.

Rachel fusses with Gracie who is yanking on her mothers hair and gnawing at her cheek.

Rachel sighs as she holds her daughter a safe distance away from her.

No, not really.

I was by Rachels side four days ago when she packed up her things and left while Mouth was at work. She had found a small apartment not too far from the café. To say that Mouth was furious when he got home is an understatement.

From what I have observed over the past few years, (on my short trips home), things had just been getting progressively worse for the two of them. Its hard to see two people who I was so close to for so long at each others throats.

I see where Mouth is coming from. He wants to be a good guy and provide for his children. He wants the wife and the white picket fence and he feels such an immense pressure to provide that he is not hearing Rachel when she says thats not what she wants. I guess that I was probably a little before Grace was born that the drinking really started. Rachel said she would have picked up the habit first had she not been pregnant.

Mouth started pulling away from her and she felt rejected. As he progressed further in his work their situation became even less what was considered the norm. There would be parties held, dinner meetings where all of the young politicians could come with their wives, but Rachel never gave a shit as she put it so eloquently. When she did go however she and Mouth would argue for hours just over what she was going to wear, or the fake ring that he would make her put on when they went out to give the illusion that she was his wife. After awhile the façade became too much.

He watched Charlotte and Gracie the other day. Rachel confesses as she again pulls her daughter closer to her. They were there all of two hours before he called me to come and pick them up. Gracie was screaming and refusing to go down for a nap- mind you I dont think that he has ever put her down for a nap. While all of this was going on Charlotte was in his office apparently coloring all over some of his irreplaceable documents and campaign papers and what not. She adds the last part with a smirk

As I take the food off of the stove to cool I turn to my friend.

You dont think that you guys can work it out? I ask hoping for some assurance that this could turn out okay for friends who are more family than anything.

Rachel sighs again placing Gracie on the kitchen floor then moves to lean beside me on the counter.

I used to think so. She confesses  hes just become so consumed in his work and its one thing to make me suffer and make me feel like Im not worth shit but it is another thing when it is his daughter!

I try to take in what she is saying.

What do you mean Rachel? I ask, our eyes connecting to one anothers.

He checked out before Gracie was born, yanno? She barely knows who she is. Shell go to Jake or Nate before Mouth! Its different with Charlotte though. She was Mouths life before his work took over. She misses him and she asks for him to tuck her in at night and hes not there. That is why she acts the way that she does, shes looking for him and hes not there.

I can see tears welling up in her eyes.

Rach. I say pulling her into my arms

 I just dont want her to feel what our parents made us feel.

Rachel might be bat shit crazy but shes a good person. I learned that when she would hold my hair back when I was throwing up or when she literally kicked Lukes ass for not seeing Ben for a month. She learned that she was pregnant after she pulled that one.

Rach. I prop myself up on the counter beside her. You will never be like your parents. You love Gracie and Charlotte to death, I know that. I can see tears brimming in her eyes

Its a girl Brooke. Rachel breathes out as she chews her lower lip and turns her eyes downward. Something is not right.

Thats great Rach! I give her knee a reassuring squeeze, but apparently it did little the wash away her worries.  its a good thing right?

 She took a second to allow her face turn to an uncharacteristic look of deliberation I dont know if I can do it.

MAMA! Charlottes little voice screeches as she darts into the room with Ben following close behind.

Rachel sucks in a breath as she wipes the tears from her eye.

Ey baby girl. She smiles down at her daughter, a spitting image of herself.

You alright Momma? Charlottes asks cocking her head to the side.

Yeah Aunt Rachel. Ben joins in. He has Lebron hoisted up under his arm. Are you okay?

Ill be fine guys. Rachel tussled both of their hair as she hops off of the counter. I watch the scene with Gracie propped on my hip. Now whos ready for our afternoon breakfast?!

MMMMMEEEEEE!! Charlotte and Benji scream as they race over to the kitchen table.

I give Rachel a sympathetic look.

Dont. She says quickly taking Gracie from my arms she places a soft kiss on her head. It will be fine, it has to be.

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**Please review!**

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	10. The Girls Next Door

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In about the span of a year I am on my *third* broken computer... heh yeah. I'm up and running now on an old beat up computer which I found in my closet among my three dead one which turns out to still work... to a point. Anyway I'm back. It will not be so long next time. An update for Lyrical Chastity is coming too. I've actually just been writing on paper and have that one outlined to completion. Anyway let me know if people are still here and reading!! Thanks!

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**Chapter 11: "The Girls Next Door"**

"GO GO GO GO GO!!!! What are you doing?! I said further to the left!"

"What the hell man you just shot me?!!"

Lucas and Jake were in their third hour of their video game marathon. Peyton groans from the table as she plugs her ears. Finally she can take no more and struts across the room and plants herself in front of the tv.

"HEY HEY HEY!" Both men whine as they lean to see around her.

"Hell no." Peyton angrily swings around and shuts off the television.

"What the hell babe?" Jake asks as he reaches for the remote, only as soon as his hand grasps it it was met with Peytons foot crushing both to the ground.

"Are either of you aware that you are not sixteen year old kids anymore?" Peyton snaps

Lucas and Jake look at each other absently.

"Luke correct me if I'm wrong but it's 3:30 and your son gets out of school in five minutes and you're supposed to be picking him up and Jake need I remind you that your daughter is upstairs running a fever of 101 and you're down here playing video games! Seriously!" Peyton turns out of the room with a huff and goes to check on Jenny.

**LUKES POV:**

_The deepest human defeat suffered by human beings is constituted by the difference between what one was capable of becoming and what one has in fact become._

~ _Ashley Montagu_

It's been over three weeks now since I've last seen Brooke or Ben. I've been trying really… well I guess so. Its just been hard all around. It seems easier for Ben to connect to Brooke. They've seen each other over the years- I was the one who was gone.

Brooke called the house the other day and asked if Peyton could pick up Ben from school when she went to get Jenny. I was there, but who did she ask for? Peyton. It was only when Jenny got sick today that Peyton asked me to pick up Ben for her. Apparently Brooke has to go to a doctors appointment with Rachel or something.

I get there just as the kids are starting to file out of the school. Bens face is plastered in confusion as he walks towards me.

"I thought that Aunt Peyton was picking me up?"

I reach to take the bag from his shoulder. Surprisingly he lets me.

"She was going to but Jenny was sick today so she asked me to pick you up instead. Is that okay bud?"

He nods understanding. I open the door to my car for him and he hops in. I guess now that I am doing this whole fatherhood thing I should invest in a car with a backseat. Ben is surprisingly silent as we cruise along the road.

"Wanna go shoot some hoops?" I offer to the little boy. His eyes light up at the mention of the game that runs through his blood the same as it does mine and Nathans. He nods happily.

"Where ya been Luke?" Ben asks me pointedly. I can feel his eyes boring into me.

I grip the steering wheel harder as I try to come up with a reason, … or would it be an excuse? So like a coward I don't answer.

"I was talkin' to the talk to person at my school" Ben says in a sing song voice as he had one hand hanging out of the window and a finger from the other shoved up his nose.

"Uh huh?" I reply urging him to continue, anything to break the silence.

"Yeah an' I tol' her I am real sad about my momma and my daddy and that I miss them." Ben confesses pulling his finger out of his nose and wiping it on his pants. Sometimes he really is Haley's kid.

"I miss them too buddy."

"But you know what she told me?" He asks as we finally arrive at the river court

"What'd she tell you?" I pull my car to as stop and now I can finally turn and give this child my full attention.

"She told me I have a lot of people who love me. An you and Brooke grew me in your tummies and you're my momma and dad too, an I'm lucky cause I got two mommas and two daddies that care about me." Ben explains although I can tell that he is still contemplating something.

"That's right buddy." I smile at him and rub my hand over his sandy blonde hair that matched my own.

"You don't care about me Uncle Luke. Not like that way my daddy would." Bens eyes begin to tear.

I am so taken aback by the childs words I don't know what to say.

"Brooke tries to be like a momma does an' she trysn' cook for me even tho' it turns out all burnt an she gives me money for lunch an even when she forgets it she brings it school for me! My friend Tyler said she don't look like other momma's an his mom said shes as ol' as his sister n her shorts are too short but she loves me! You don't even call me!" Ben was at the point that he was sobbing now.

Do you know the feeling of the most ultimate failure humanly possible? I though that was the way that I felt when I left Ben for the first time but this, no this doesn't even compare. When he was younger he was none the wiser, and as sad as it is he never knew me from the start. The difference is now I am here and the people that had raised him are not. Now he is old enough to be hurt by my selfish decisions and broken promises. I promised myself that when I had a son I would never be like my father, and now her I am.

"Ben I'm so sorry! I'm sorry Ben. I will be better I swear- I will be there for you whenever you need me and I want to bring you out to shoot hoops, and I want to read books with you just like your mom used to." I pull the boy into my arms.

"I jus want my pappa back." He sobs over and over again.

"_To become a father is not difficult, but to be a father is."_

_~ Unknown_

**Brookes POV:**

It was so weird being there with Rachel at her doctors appointment. Looking at the screen at that little _thing _growing inside of her is just so surreal. It brought back to me so many memories of being pregnant with Ben. The first time that I went to the doctor it had been Rachel that had gone with me. Had the situation been different and Peyton hadn't been dating Lucas I am sure that she would have been there as well. Anyway, when the doctor put that cold wand on my stomach and the sound of Ben's heart beat filled the room it was like nothing else existed. The "bum bum" of his beating heart invaded my world and it was as if nothing else existed. It was terrifying.

"Rach, Rach?!" I wave my hand in front of her face. We're at Tric having a drink- well correction, I'm having a drink and Rachel is on her third bowl of the complementary chips and salsa. "How you feeling?" She finally raises her eyes to meet mine.

Shrugging absently she sighs.

"You know what you want to name her yet?" I try a different route.

Suddenly Rachel smirks.

"It's got to be something that won't get old when I have to scream at her like Gracie and Charlotte." I can see her eyes brimming with tears as she tilts her head up, in her own way refusing to let them spill.

"I've always wanted to name my little girl Ava."

"I don't know if I can do this Brooke." Wiping tears from her eyes she attempts to perk back up.

"Have you- have you um talked to Mouth?" There is really no good way to bring up that subject. Rachel has seemed so fragile lately I feel like I have had to tip toe around her.

She had moved into a condo not far from the café but it hadn't been really working out. She was there a grand total of a week before she came to stay at Nathan and Haley's with me. I didn't give her a choice in the matter. I had gone over there one day, she hadn't been picking up her phone which wasn't like her. The apartment was a mess, Gracie was screaming in her crib, Charlotte was coloring on the walls and the apartment was a mess. Rachel was sitting on her kitchen counter staring off into space like she was in another world.

Rachel has outwardly always been such a strong woman… it's just like something inside of her cracked and she lost it.

"I went over there the other day. He, he sent me a check for the girls or something I guess. I didn't want it so I was taking it back." She explains calmly "When I got there another car was parked outside in my old space. I still have the key so I just went on inside and there he was… on the couch, on top of Shelly."

"The clean teen?" I gasp

"The clean teen." She confirms.

"Rach, I'm so sorry." I didn't know what to say.

Never in a million years did I ever expect Mouth to do something like this, but if there is one thing that this life has taught me it's time hardens people. Rachel and Mouth worked back in high school when she was the bad girl who had the nerd under the tip of her finger and she was the it girl just out of his grasp.

It all changed when they had each other and the chase was gone and reality set in. They wanted different things from life.

"Don't be sorry Brooke. I have spent this entire past month sulking and feeling sorry for myself. I've never been like that. I'm not going to let this change who I am." She said confidently with the first _real _smile that I have seen her spring in recent memory. "I Rachel Gattina am over Marvin McFadden for good… I don't know why I was really ever "under" him" she adds with a smirk.

I smile back at her. It's good to have my friend back.

"I'm glad to hear you say that. I knew that you would always be a skanky whore." I joke with her.

"You an' me both slut." Rachel smirks back at me as she polishes off the chips.

"Now I think that there are some little people at home requiring out supervision and with your daughter there it is more than likely that the entire place will be charred to the ground by the time we get back." I smirk as I lead Rachel away from the table.

"Us with kids, how the hell did that happen?" She asks as we head to the car.

"I think Ben was the locker room after state championships." I reminisce.

"Hum, I think Charlotte was cheap vodka and a hot tub and Gracie was the fun house in the mirror room during the Tree Hill County Fair."

"Classy lady!" I mock her

"Touché."

_Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." _

_~ C.S Lewis_

_

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_

Next chapter should be lighter, and a new love interest for Rachel? We'll see!


	11. Go or Go Ahead

**Chapter 12: "Go or Go Ahead"**

It is almost eight o'clock when I finally take Ben home. We had ditched the basketball for McDonalds and ice cream.

"What the hell Luke!" I see the fiery brunette charging toward me.

"Hello to you too." I smirk at the woman who is storming towards me barefoot down the walk.

"Uh oh." Ben looks up from me and releases my hand. "You're in the dog house. That's what momma always said ta dad when she looked at him like that."

"Lucas Eugene Scott where the hell have you been with my son!" She is inches away from my face, although she has to stand on her tip toes to be even ALMOST eye level with me.

"Calm down, Peyton asked me to pick up Ben because Jenny is sic-" I begin but she cuts me off

"I know that smart ass! Did you just not happen to pick up the phone ANY of the 65 times that I called you? You were supposed to pick him up and bring him here!" Now she was screaming and that sets me off.

"How the hell am I supposed to get to spend time with my son if you're going to be such a BITCH about everything!"

Some of the neighbors had come outside to see what all of the commotion is about.

"You really shouldn't use that language around your kid!" Someone screamed.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Both Brooke and I yell in unison.

She blushes as she backs off of her toes.

"Just call next time Luke. I was worried sick." She concedes

I try to suppress a satisfied smile.

"So there's going to be a next time?"

She sighs for a minute before turning to Ben.

"Say night to your dad kiddo."

As much as I wanted to hear it I have to admit it was weird hearing Brooke refer to me as "Dad" to Ben.

"Aw Brooke, do I gotta?" Ben huffs

Haley would love that grammar. Unfortunately she is not there to correct him… maybe Brooke or I should get on that.

"I mean I guess you don't have to- Rachel is only in there with a huge pizza with your name on it!" Brooke smirks as she tickles his stomach

"Awesome! Night!" Ben politely waves to me as he darts inside.

Brooke and I are left in an awkward silence. She rocks back and forth on her feet for a second the way that I remember she used to.

"I think that we should talk." I finally say

She quirks her eyebrow but says nothing as we start out on a trek down the street.

"I know just talking isn't going to make up for the massive amount of shit I've done the past few years." I begin

"Ya think?" She smirks brushing the bangs from her eyes. Much to my surprise she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a cigarette.

"Since when do you smoke?" I ask in surprise

"… a week after you left." All that I can do is nod. "I don't do it much around the house, yanno with Rachel pregnant and all and the kids running around." She explains

"How- How's Ben been?" I ask

We stop at a small playground and perch ourselves on the edge of the slide.

"He's been alright. He's a tough kid. I think that he misses Naley but he's trying." She reasons.

"How, um- how are you doing with things?" I ask

I haven't been able to look Brooke in the eyes. If you were me could you? I have let her down with the greatest of let downs twice now.

"I've been fine. Its just different yanno? I mean, he's my- er our kid but in the back of my mind I'm always thinking, would tutor girl be feeding him this right now, or what book would Nathan read to him before bed." She said with a sigh.

"Well," I cant help but smirk "for what it's worth Ben seems to think that you've been doing a pretty alright job."

"Yeah?" She asks hopefully with a playful smirk coming to her face.

"Yeah, he said that you make him dinner even though you burn it and that you take him to school and give him lunch money."

"Ugh, I don't get why that kid always insists on buying his lunch! School lunches are like the scum of the earth re heated and slapped on a tray!" She groans

For a minute I can see a glimmer of the old Brooke Davis. Finally I get up the courage to speak up. I need to make a change.

"I want to see him Brooke." I say firmly

"Luke WANTING to see him is not enough! You gave to more than say it Luke, you have to be there for the kid and you have to get to know hi-"

"I know Brooke! I know. And I want all that, alright? I want to be there for my son whether or not you want me to!" … I knew as soon as the last words left my mouth I had just stirred up hell

"What the hell do you mean whether or not I want you to? I have ALWAYS wanted you in his life and you're the one who keeps on leaving!" Brooke hisses as she lights another cigarette

"I'm sor-"

"No Luke!" She snaps back "Save your apologies for someone who cares. If you want to spend time with him fine, but after everything that has happened I will not let you confuse his world. If you screw up this time that's it!"

**Brookes POV:**

I slump back to the house really regretting the fact that I had opted not to wear any shoes. I pull the door open to find Peyton and Rachel sitting on the kitchen counter waiting for me with spoons full of cookie dough.

"What's cookin' good lookin?" Peyton makes a joke out of my appearance as I join them on the counter. Rachel passes me a spoon.

"Bite me." I growl back at Peyton although she did nothing wrong.

"Wow, PMS much lately?" Peyton shoots back at me.

"Yeah Brooke. Lucky for you I'm knocked up because when we were on the same cycle it was hell." Rachel smirks

"Wait what?" I nearly choke on my cookie dough when she implies that she is at all easy to live with. "Are you saying that since you've been pregnant you HAVEN'T been an absolute bitch?"

Rachel thinks for a moment and then shrugs.

"Yeah!"

Peyton and I both turn and glare at the woman sitting between us who now looks like a deer caught in headlights.

"What?" She asks innocently

"Rachel," Peyton began "just yesterday you told me that you would snap my neck if I ate the last chili fry!"

Rachel just blushes

"And you made me chase Charlotte when she ran into the woods naked the other day after that damn bird!" I added

"I could have gotten a tick!"

"No you could have gotten some clothes on your damn kid when you took her out of the shower!" I correct her.

"So what, I'm a pain in the ass- blame Marvin McFadden." Rachel scoffs

"Trust me. I will." Peyton mumbles under her breath. "Hey! Speaking of absentee fathers how's our ex-boyfriend doing with his offspring? I saw his car outside when I came in."

Peyton has been my best friend since we were kids and I swear to god that the girl has not changed, but calling Lucas "our" ex-boyfriend is just weird

"Well he said he wants to start seeing Ben." I try to nod confidently although I wear my reservations on my sleeve.

"Oh yeah? Well that's good right?" Peyton asks

"Yeah I mean I guess. I just don't want to confuse the poor kid, yanno?" Then I think of something. "See like Peyton, you were adopted right and your mom and dad were like your mom and dad-"

"What the hell are you getting at here?" Rachel cuts me off

"Just listen! You loved Ellie right? And you met your birth father and he was okay-ish" Then Peyton cuts me off

"Um okayish? I think that I pushed him out of sobriety and then he walked out again and Ellie died so I have two dead mothers on my record-"

"BUT" I shout above the rant. "You loved them all. What if they all were alive" I cough "and they wanted to be a part of your life that would be awesome right?!" I try to reason.

"Uh yeah, I guess." Peyton shrugs.

"So hopefully it will be the same for Ben."

"Right." Rachel adds (just for the sake or saying something if you ask me)

"Okay, but there's a flip side to all of this." I point out next "Peyton, what if Nikki came back and wanted to see Jenny?"

I can see a flash of worry in Peyton's eyes. The fear of Nikki resurfacing has to be in the back of her mind somewhere. I know that has to be hard for her. At this point Peyton has been a mother to Jenny for six years, longer than Haley and Nathan have even had Ben.

"That's different though Brooke!"

"Why, why is it different?" I ask

"Nikki was a bad mother. She would leave Jenny wherever while she went out and partied, she used drugs around her. You never did that stuff Brooke!"

"But think about it Peyton. I left Haley my son, and now it's like I've come back and I don't want her to think I'm taking him away. How would you feel if Nikki showed up and Jenny accidently called her mommy?" I ask

Peyton takes a second before speaking.

"I guess that I would be a little heartbroken."

"Right." I explain as they finally see my point. "I don't want to do that to Haley… yanno, he asked if it was okay if he could call me mom?"

I remember the desperate look in his eyes when he asked me that question. What am I supposed to say to that. The child knows full well that I am his mother, well biologically at least.

"What'd you say?" Rachel asks in a low voice.

I shrug.

"I didn't… I just tucked him into bed, told him that I loved him, and then I gave him a kiss." I speak my words slow and careful. "It's just that Haley and Nathan can wake up tomorrow and then what?"

"I don't know what to tell ya Brooke." Peyton confesses with her hand in her cheek

I huff, completely over this situation.

"Rach, quit hogging the cookie dough."

With that I grab the cookie dough out of Rachels hands and sit in a contemplative silence with two of my three best friends. Without Haley it's just like a piece of something is missing.

_We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations._

_Anais Nin_

_

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_**Hey guys. Thank you for the awesome response on the last chapter! It's good to know that people are still reading. So I actually have more of this written than I realized and this chapter was actually just sitting there and so I figured I might as well post it. So it's a Brucas fic, although it is not super fluffy. I dont really do fluff, it's not realistic... not that this quite is but anyhow. What I have learned in doing all of the stories that it is more important to stay true to the story that you intended to tell, despite the fact that it may displease people. With that being said it is good to see things from other peoples perspectives and then it may be necessary to make changes... just a thought before you kill for this upcoming chapter.**

**Let me know what you think!  
**


	12. The Reaper

I am just going to roll with this one.

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**Chapter 13: "The Reaper"**

"_**For everything there is a season,  
And a time for every matter under heaven:"**_

**3:47 am****:****Brooke**

"Ugh." I groan pulling the pillow over my face as my phone rings yet another time.

The sound of buzzing from the phone resounds in my ears like its coming from a far off place as the soft blue light of my screen casts an eerie glow across the room… a glow that I would have gladly ignored were I not sharply shoved in the side.

"Shit Rachel, that hurt!" I curse turning to my bedmate and shoving her equally as hard; if not harder.

"Get you're damn phone! I'm trying to get my beauty sleep!" Rachel whines as she covers her ears with her hands.

"_**A time to be born, and a time to die;"**_

My phone goes off yet again.

"Lord knows that you need it." I mock her as I make my way to the bureau to retrieve my phone. "And explain to me again why you can't sleep in Naleys bed?"

"It's just creepy."

As I come to a bit I begin to wonder who would be calling me at almost four am?

"Hello?" I cringe as my voice comes out even raspier than usual.

"Brooke it's me."

Lucas's voice comes mangled over the phone. Immediately I know that something is wrong.

"_**A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;"**_

"Lucas, what's going on?" I ask in a panic.

There is a sharp silence, I can hear him sniffling on the other end. His words are forced as his words get caught in his throat.

"It's Hales."

That is all that he needs to say, I already know. My heart literally stops as my phone slips from my hands and I fall to the ground in a huddled mess. I don't even have a second to raise my head to see Rachel rushing across the room toward me, her pregnant belly leading the way. I just become numb.

"_**A time to kill, and a time to heal;"**_

I have never lost somebody close to me, but the fear has been there. Even the night of "the accident" that left Ben badly burned it didn't hit this hard in the pit of my stomach because I knew at the end of it all I would be holding my baby in my arms.

I had pushed the possibility of Naley meeting any fate other than life, eternal life as my denial would have it, as far out of my mind as I could; although it was still somewhere at the forefront of my mind. Now here reality comes crashing into our already fragile lives and I can't even form but one single coherent thought.

"_**A time to break down, and a time to build up;"**_

"Brooke! Brooke!" Rachel shouts trying to pull me out of the ball that I am in on the floor. She gives up after a moment and reaches for my phone.

"Lucas?" I can hear her say into the phone although I cant hear his response on the other line. "Okay, when will he be here? Yeah. Yeah I have her. It's okay."

It is then that I hear the pitter of tiny feet. I lift my head to see Charlotte and Ben in the doorway hand in hand. They rush over to Rachel and I to see what is the matter.

"Momma?" Charlotte tries Rachel, but she is only hushed by her mother who is still on the phone.

Suddenly, I feel a small hand on my back.

"Brooke?" Bens little voice croaks out.

Looking into his blue eyes awakens something in me. I know that I have to pull myself together, at least for the moment, for the sake of Haleys son. As I pull myself to a full sitting position Ben crawls onto my lap and try to choke down the bile that I feel rising in my throat.

"_**A time to weep, and a time to laugh;"**_

"Hey baby." I wipe tears from my eyes and do my best to forge a smile

"Is my mom an' dad okay?" He asks this innocently enough, but he looks at me knowingly, expectantly.

"Aw baby," I hold Ben tightly in my arms as I pull him closer toward me. His eyes are boring into mine, begging me for answers. "Mama, …"

I look to Rachel for support. She is now off of the phone and holding Charlotte tightly in her arms she stares at me confidently as she strokes her daughter hair, although the pain in her eyes must mirror mine to some extent. With her backing, I continue.

"_**A time to mourn, and a time to dance;"**_

"Mama," I try again "Mama went up to heaven to be with the angels baby."

Even when I say the words they don't seem real. Ben furrows his brow seriously.

"Is daddy with the angels too?" He asks as his face begins to fix in a pout.

"No baby, daddy's still here." I try my best to sound confident and be strong for this little boy who has just lost the only mother that he has ever known, but at the same time I just lost my best friend.

"But daddy's sleepin' like mama was right?"

I nod in response to his question. Tears are now silently cascading down Ben cheeks. Rachel and Charlotte are now both crying as well.

"So Daddy is going to go visit the angels like mom did?"

"I donno baby." I respond as I stroke his hair.

"_**A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;"**_

Ben thinks for another second and lets out a small hiccup before he speaks.

"Daddy should go with Mama, she shouldn't go see them alone. I don't want her to be scared."

It is now that Ben breaks down in sobs into my chest.

"That's up to daddy baby." I assure the boy

My heart breaks again for the boy that has no idea that he just implied that his father should die. The truth of the matter is both he and Haley have been on life support since shortly after the accident. Although their prognosis was never good we kept on hoping, we kept them living. Was it our own selfishness? Maybe, probably. I wanted to think that Haley and Nathan would wake up and we could just go back to the way that our lives were when they were simple. How naïve is that? I wanted to think that Nathan and Haley would take care of Ben forever and I would get to stay "Aunt Brooke" and they would have the new baby… oh god, the baby…

"_**A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;"**_

"But I want my momma." Bens voice comes in a raspy mummer mimicking my own. His fists are balled at his side as he buries his head into my chest. I don't know what to do, so I hold him close to me.

"I love you Ben, we'll be okay alright baby?" I try to soothe him as I stroke his hair.

Haley truly is- was, one in a million. She saved me time and time again whether it was tutoring me so I could get myself out of highschool, or offering a shoulder for me to cry on when Lucas was being a jackass. Hell, tutor girl even became a cheerleader to appease me. Most importantly she took better care of my son than I could ever dream. I would give up my own life if it means that Haley could come back. Ben needs her, … she's his mother.

The room feels like its swirling around me, but it feels like time is standing still. It is hard to believe at a time like this that things will ever be right again.

The door to the bedroom creeks open to reveal Peyton standing disheveled in the doorway. Even in the darkness I can see that her eyes are red and tired. Tears silently stream down her face. As our eyes meet no words need to be spoken. Her pain sears through my soul just the same as mine through hers.

"_**A time to seek, and a time to lose;"**_

I can tell that she is trying to keep a brave face. Peyton has lost so many people in her life and for her this just may be another tick mark on her chart. This is different though, Haley is so young and out of anyone that I have met, ever, she is the least deserving of any of this.

Finally Peyton speaks.

"Jake is downstairs to take you to the hospital." Her voice is labored as she chokes on the tears. "I can um, I'll wait here with Ben." She offers

"No!" Rachel finally speaks up. "The two of you should go. I can watch Ben."

"Are you sure?" I ask thankful that Peyton is able to go with me.

"It's fine." Rachel assures me as she stands and lays a now sleeping Charlotte on the bed. She reaches her arms out to Ben which he quickly settles into. "Go." She urges us as she rubs small circles on his back.

I tussle Bens sandy blonde hair once more before we head out.

"I love you baby." I whisper to the little boy as his eyelids begin to droop.

"_**A time to keep, and a time to throw away;"**_

The drive to the hospital is a somber one. Nobody is sure of what to say. Do we play the radio? Do we talk about our memories of Haley? Who knows. We just resolve to sit there numb.

The normal hustle and bustle of the hospital is non-existent as we step through the doors. The sterile white walls blind my eyes as I squint to see through my suppressed tears. Looking around I realize that the silence is infact eerie.

Almost out of nowhere Lucas appears. He is wearing his pajama pants and a dingy old grey t-shirt. His hair is standing out at all angles, the way that it usually does when he wakes up. His jaw is tight and his eyes full of despair.

I remember when he lost Keith I was able to help him. I was able to soothe him, and for some reason in this moment I want nothing more than to be able to be that person again for him but I'm hurting just as badly.

"_**A time to reap, and a time to sew;"**_

Much to my surprise he continues to walk towards me. When he reaches his hand out I don't quite know what to expect. For a moment he stares into my eyes as he lets his hand softly wipe a tear from my cheek. This is quite possibly the first time in years that I have seen the Lucas Scott that I used to know.

In a moment of weakness I throw myself into his arms. He allows me to sink into them as I become enveloped in his embrace. His arms make me feel protected, and safe like they used to, … but his arms can't bring Haley back.

"I'm so sorry." He whispers into my ear as he sobs into my shoulder.

I swallow a lump in my throat.

"It's not your fault." Although, I am feeling more than a little guilty myself.

"It-" Lucas stutters. "It's a girl."

"_**A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;"**_

My heart skips a beat. What the hell does he mean it's a girl?

"Wha-" I breathe out, hardly able to form words.

"Haley and Nathans baby." He wipes a tear from the corner of his eye as he steps back. "It's a girl."

Haley had been a little over four months pregnant much to my surprise at the time of the accident, and that was a little over two months ago. Nobody knew how she had been able to keep the baby. Sure there have been cases of women carrying to term while comatose but the possibility of things ending well are slim to none… well I guess this case is no different.

"A girl." I repeat still not believing all that I am hearing.

"A girl-" He echoes. "And she's beautiful Brooke."

"_**A time to love, and a time to hate,"**_

"I miss her already." I confess as I look Lucas in the eye. I cannot even begin to express the pain that assaulting my heart.

"So do I." He rubs his hand over his head. We are both just so painfully helpless. "Where is Ben?"

"At home with Rachel." I answer.

Lucas nods.

"Is he, … is he alright?"

I shrug.

"I don't know."

He nods again.

* * *

"Do you want to see the baby?" He asks me hopefully

The irony of this is just too much for me to believe. I turn to Jake and Peyton who nod as we follow Lucas down the hall to the NICU. Normally visitors would not be allowed at this hour but under this circumstance the doctor had made a special allowance.

My heart that has been so still is now beating out of my chest as I approach the incubator with Lucas at my side. Peyton and Jake hang a few steps back.

Cautiously I peer into the incubator… a gasp involuntarily escapes my body. In front of me lays a baby just a bit smaller then my own hand, with tubes coming out of her nose, and monitors hooked up to her chest.

Suddenly, with one deep labored breath she forces her eyes open – and they were all Haley. Even though she was a mere three hours old she looked me dead in the eye and her eyes danced with playful, youthful life just as Haleys had.

"Oh my god." I finally exclaim silently.

"I know." Lucas agrees from where he stands beside me. "I know."

"_**A time for war, and a time for peace."**_

… and he slowly interlaces his fingers in mine.

* * *

for the sake of telling a story. Its never the best to kill off a character but sometimes it is essential to the story that you are trying to tell. Like them having to kill off Keith. But trust me. Much more is coming that will be plenty worth reading and Brucas is forced to get their act together. By the way, anyone have any good suggestions for girl names? Review and let me know what you think, but please dont kill me!

xoxo


	13. A boy named Ben

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Hey! It's been a minute. A follow up/filler chapter to the last. It is pretty light.

xoxo

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**Chapter 14: "A boy named Ben"**

"_**All the world is a stage,  
And all the men and women merely players.  
They have their exits and entrances;  
Each man in his time plays many parts."**_

_**~William Shakespeare**_

**Lucas POV:**

Loss is a feeling that you can not describe. The emptiness (in its wholeness) consumes you alive. You become obsessed with the what if's and the possibility of an after life, … or more appropriately the possibility of a lack thereof.

"Uncle Lucas!" Ben screams as he bombards me when I step through the door.

And there it is again. Uncle Lucas. It has been two months since Haley passed away. Ben has had some good days, others bad. We all have. It's funny, you don't necessarily realize the integral role that somebody plays in your life until they're gone. I don't intend to take my loved ones for granted ever again.

"Ey Buddy." I greet my son as I roughly tussle his hair. "You all ready?"

He nods with a smile that reveals his two missing front teeth. We have gotten into a routine. Everyday I pick up Ben on my way to the hospital and drop him off at school and then I go and spend about an hour or so with my niece. It is a revolving door of people coming to see her, Brooke is there, and Peyton and Jake come. Rachel even comes despite the fact that she is about to pop herself. All that I can do for now is make sure that Haley and Nathans baby knows love just like they did for Ben.

"Uh huh." Ben smiles up at me as he snaps his leash on Lebron.

Brooke picks up Ben from school and makes sure that he gets his homework done. They hang out for awhile and then by five thirty I'm there. Ben and I go on a jog to the river court with Lebron and shoot some hoops. Brooke then goes to the hospital to see the baby. Usually by the time that we get back Brooke and or Rachel have cooked dinner (which is usually an event that we grin and bear) and Brooke and I get Ben ready for bed.

Since the day that we lost Haley something changed with Brooke and I. Whatever it was almost served to make the past seem like a distant memory. She and I are both here to do better now, for Ben.

"Come on Uncle Luke!" Ben urges me as we arrive at the river court.

"I'm" cough "coming." I trudge behind him. I suddenly realize how time has aged me since I was a kid just like Ben running through this town along side Keith who was huffing beside me.

"You ready to play?" Ben asks bright eyed as he ties Lebron to the picnic table.

"Let's take a quick break." I encourage him as I hoist myself up onto the table. He follows in suit.

"Okay." He happily kicks his feet. "You're kinda fun Uncle Luke." Ben speaks up.

"Yeah?" I try to hide my mounting smile as I beam with pride.

"Uh huh. Brooke lets me have more candy BUT she doesn't play basketball with me like daddy did an' you do."

I nod satisfied enough. Not that it is at all a contest between Brooke and I. At this point I am just happy that after everything that I pulled I can even remotely measure up.

"So, what do you think about this whole big brother thing?" I ask Ben pointedly.

In an all too melancholy manner the boy sighs and shrugs.

"Fine I guess."

"Just fine?" This has been a point that Brooke and I have been pushing. Ben needs to get used to the baby but there seems like no good way to do it. He has been an only child his entire life and now when the only parents that he has ever known are taken away from him he has to share his new ones with someone else.

You can imagine Brooke and my surprise when we found that Haley had left custody of Ben, and any future children that they would have to us. Peyton and Jake would have been realistic. They are mature, well mature enough, and they have jobs and take amazing care of Jenny. Those are the type of people that a kid wants for a mom and dad.

"You're going to be an awesome big brother." I assure him. "You can even teach her how to play basketball."

That must have made Ben happy because he let out a small smile.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore." Ben says as he hops off of the table and runs out onto the court.

For awhile I just sit and watch him. The counselor at his school told us not to push him and give him time, but the problem is time stops for no one. The baby will be home in two days and right now which "home" it will be is completely up in the air.

Ben is beat by the time that we arrive back to the house. He is asleep on my shoulder when Rachel opens the door for us.

"Hey." Rachel greets me. She has Gracie propped on her hip to avoid her bulging stomach.

"Uncle Luke!" Charlotte greets me.

She prances into the room wearing a pair of Rachel's red stilettos, a skimpy top that had to have belonged to either Brooke or Rachel circa high school, and her face was painted, heavily, with red lipstick and purple eyes shadow.

"Momma tells me I look like Aunt Brooke!" She beams as her green eyes sparkle up at me.

People always comment on how much Ben looks like me, and how he has Brookes mannerisms and my quieter disposition. But Charlotte and Rachel put Ben and I to shame.

"I bet she did." I smirk at Rachel as I lay Ben down on the couch.

"Momma, can I do your make up too?" Charlotte begs Rachel.

"Not a chance." Rachel warns her mini me.

"Where is Brooke?" I ask as I realize I have yet to see the bubbly brunette.

"At the hospital with the baby." Rachel informs me as she shuts the door to the room Charlotte has just disappeared into.

"Is everything okay?" I ask unhooking Lebron.

"Yeah." Rachel shrugs. "It's just a visit I think. You give that kid a name yet?"

I give her a slightly guilty look.

"Look. I've got Ben, you go on up there and meet her. That baby is coming home- where ever home is in two days whether or not you guys are ready. She needs a name Luke!"

Rachel has a way of being so blasé about really important thing. It's kind of good though because even though you know she's giving you the third degree it doesn't stress you out. It makes the chaos seem ordinary. Well, maybe it is for us.

"Wasn't it you that called Charlotte "It" for a month?" I remind her as I stalk toward the door.

"I was going through a rough patch!" She screams as I let the door shut behind me.

It takes me no time at all to reach the hospital. I arrive to the baby's room to find Brooke rocking her to sleep. I gently knock in the doorway before stepping inside.

"Hey." Her voice is smooth and raspy, and her smile near radiant when she looks up at me.

"Hey." I take a look around the room as I step inside. The baby is not hooked up to any monitors, and she is not turning blue, or not feeding or having any of the other numerous issues that have plagued the poor kid since she was born. "She looks good." I muse as I peer over Brooke shoulder at my niece. The baby stares up at me with big brown eyes.

"She is good." Brooke smiles again as the baby grips her finger in her fist.

"She's coming home in two days." I remind Brooke, although I doubt that she has had anything else on her mind.

"I know." She turns to look up at me. "She needs a name."

I watch her bite her lip nervously as she studies the baby. I know that she is thinking what I am. What would Nathan and Haley have named her? Or worse, what if Nathan wakes up and doesn't like the name that we have chosen for her.

"You have any in mind?" I ask he

"Well," she begins, her brow still fixed in a contemplative frown. "Rachel and I were tossing around a few the other day. Most of the names that she likes I think sound like stripper names." She smirks "But I found a few that I like. How about you?" She asks

Neither of us want to be the one to make the first suggestion, but someone needs to. I take the first step.

"I like Madison, and Sarah." I offer up. Brooke scowls at both names.

"Those are both so boring. Besides, if you loose your kid I in the store and call out "Maddy" or "Sarah" you never know what kid you're going to end up with."

"Oh, and Ben is so original?" I joke back at her. "What were you thinking?"

"I don't know. Something girly- but not too girly. I was thinking maybe like Natalie, or Olivia." She looks up at me for reassurance.

"Or Sophie maybe?" I try. The name comes to me out of nowhere.

Sophie. Sophia. I can imagine Haley teaching her how to play the piano, or Nathan trying to teach her to shoot hoops and holding her up to the basket to make a slam dunk.

"I like it." Brooke smiles after a brief pause. "Sophia Naley Scott." She decides as she beams.

Naley. Naley- so Brooke, but so appropriate. I look down at the baby who is grinning right back up at us. Brooke kisses her head gently.

"Welcome to the world Sophie Scott. Sorry it kind of blows right now, but you're Uncle Luke and I are going to take care of you."

"_**Is it so small a thing  
To have enjoy'd the sun,  
To have lived light in the spring,  
To have loved, to have thought, to have done..."**_

_**~Matthew Arnold

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**_More soon. It'll get more angsty, especially as Ben has problems adjusting, new love for Rachel, more Peyton and Jake, Brucas, and what happens to Nathan?

Lemme know what you think!


	14. Battle of Who Could Care Less

**Chapter 15: "****Battle**** of Who Could Care Less"**

It has been two weeks since we have brought Sophie home. Sophie is a beautiful baby with Haleys chestnut eyes and Nathans mop of dark hair- ... she also seems to have inherited her mothers vocals. The child has not slept through the night which is to be expected however, when you have to wake up to get a five year old ready for school who is crabby because he has been kept awake by her screaming as well it becomes more than you can take.

In light of everything that we have been through this past year it seems a little dramatic to say that these past two weeks have been hell but I it seems that for lack of a better word that is what I am force to call it. Hell.

What could add to this hell you ask? Rachel is a week overdue and the doctors admitted her into the hospital just last night. So where does this leave us? Two single mothers at home with three kid under the age of six and two newborns. At least Lucas comes over and helps every chance he gets.

I crack my eyes just a bit thankful of the mere hour of sleep I was able to get in before I am woken by the screams of Sophie.

"Not now." I groan as I pull myself from bed willing the crying to stop. With my eyes still closed I try to navigate my way out of the room before my foot comes crashing into one of Bens toy trucks he left in my doorway. "Shit!" I scream as I fall backwards clutching my toe.

Sophie's cries rage on and I suddenly realize that at this point she risks waking up the entire sleeping household. Forcing my thoughts away from the pain searing through my foot and the small trickle of blood escaping my big toe I forge on to the newborns room.

To say that we have taken over _Casa de Naley _ is an understatement. Gracie and Charlotte have taken up the guest room, while Haleys study was converted into a nursery for Sophie. That leaves Rachel and I to shack up together in Nathan and Haleys bed just how we had back in high school.

As I reach the nursery and pull back the door I hear a cry coming from the other end of the hall. Gracie.

Once inside the room Sophie looks up at me with big doey eyes. As her screams continue I cannot help but think this is gods way of punishing me.

"It's okay baby." I coo at Sophie as I rock her in my arms. "Don't cry baby, I'm here!"

Above the screams of the newborn in my arm Gracie begins to wail even harder. I scurry down the hall limping thanks to my injured toe back down the hall to Gracie and Charlottes room.

"Aunt Brooke!" Charlotte beams at me when I push the door open.

I cock my brow up at the sight. Charlotte had somehow managed to climb into Gracies crib and both children were now covered in purple glittered lipstick, and I mean covered. Charlotte seems to have put in on her eye lids like eye shadow and then tried to do the same thing to Gracie which caused her to scream.

"Isn't we pretty?" Charlotte beams as Gracies bottom lip quivers.

At this point I am fuming. I yank Charlotte out of the crib with one arm and hoist Gracie up under my other arm.

"You look like your mother." I fume at the small child who is so proud of herself. If I weren't so tired it would have almost been funny.

"Brooke?" A little voice speaks up behind me.

I turn to see Ben in his x-men pajamas rubbing his eyes.

"Ben, go back to sleep." I order him.

"I tried, I cant." He sighs. "I wanna play too!"

Does he really think that I look like I am having fun right now? Sophies wails bring me out of my thoughts. Its just then that I dare myself to glance out of the window. My heart sunk at the sight... it's still dark outside. I take a deep breath before turning to look at the clock- it flickered 1:34 am.

"That's it! Everyone, downstairs!" I order the two eldest children and Gracie who I had returned to the ground.

Slowly we all trudge down the stairs. Ben seeming to regret his decision to stay awake began to fuss realizing that he was infact tired, Charlotte's left eye was becoming red from the lipstick on her eye lid, Gracies diaper hung from her bottom in desperate need of a change, and I was leading the pack trying to soothe the screaming baby on my chest as the blood from my foot trailed behind us all.

When we get to the kitchen all of the children crowded around the table. I know that they are all staring at me but I cannot force myself to make eye contact with them. Quickly I make up a bottle for Sophie which she sucks greedily.

Silently I join the kids at the table. I know that Charlottes eye is bothering her but she is doing her best not to itch it. Bens hair is matted to his head which keeps dropping because he's trying his best to stay awake. Somewhere along the way Gracie must have found an old pacifier that at this point is just hanging out of the side of her mouth.

It wasn't easy to decide where Sophie would go home to. She was technically Lucas's blood, but she was left to both of us. I had the most space at Naley's house and experience with newborns because Ben had lived with just me. I am beginning to regret that decision.

The pain in my toe is becoming worse as I reach for my phone. It rings once, twice, three times and then he picks up.

"Hello?" Lucas says. His voice is a low raspy whisper.

"Luke." I choke out. My voice is cracking as if I am about to cry.

Apparently that was all that I needed to say.

"Hey, hey." He assures me. "I am on my way."

Now more than ever I have been beginning to see glimpse of the Lucas that I had fallen in love with all of those years ago.

It takes him no more than five minutes to arrive and when he does he lets himself in. When he looks at the scene infront of him I see his face that had been etched with worry turn into a look of slight amusement.

**Lukes POV**

All that she had to do was say my name and I knew that she needed me. I never imagined that I would have a connection with someone the way that I do with Brooke. I thought that I had lost that connection years ago, but I am coming to find that overtime something as strong as she and I have doesn't just go away.

I sped over in my car without knowing what was wrong. All I knew was that she needed me and when I told her that I would not let her down again I had meant it.

When I step into the kitchen and see everyone safe and sound my heart slows. When I see Brooke it speeds back up a bit. She looked pissed, and she looks beautiful. It looks as if Sophie had just spit up on her bare shoulder and Charlotte had adorned her face with purple lipstick and Gracie somehow had gotten caught the crossfire. And then Ben was just caught up in the mess of it all.

I notice Brooke scowl at me as she sees my eyes turn from concerned to mildly entertained.

"Oh do not smile at me now Lucas Eugene Scott, do you really think that this is funny?!" She hisses at me.

"Eugene?" Ben questions at he looks up at me.

I hold my hands up as I chuckle a bit.

"No, nothing's funny." I try to keep a straight face as she chuckles a bit herself.

Brooke sighs and rolls her eyes.

"Will you just help me get all of them back to bed?" She pleads.

Soon Charlottes eyes were bare of lipstick and she was sound asleep and Gracie was back in her crib sound asleep. Brooke had laid down in her bed with Ben and Sophie who had both fallen asleep. When both children were out like lights and she knew it was safe she got back up.

"Are you limping?" I ask holding one of her arms with my own to support it.

"No, it's fine." She tries to assure me.

"No it's not Brooke, are you bleeding?" I look down to see a pretty nasty looking gash on her big toe. "You're bleeding!"

"It's fine Luke, I just stepped on one of Bens trucks." She explains although she winces when she puts any weight on her injured toe.

"Let me clean it up for you." I more told her than asked.

"No- it's really not-"

"I really wasn't asking." I shot at her more harshly than intended as I hoist her up onto my shoulder and carry her into the bathroom.

"Luke, LUCAS IF YOU DON'T PUT ME DOWN RIGHT THIS MINUTE I SWEAR-"

"What, that you'll wake up the kids for the second time this morning?" I challenge her as we finally reach the bathroom and I plop her down onto the toilet.

Brooke crosses her arms and frowns at me but lets me grab her foot.

"What the hell, was this truck made of screws and bolts?" I joke as I survey her wound.

"Well are you going to make fun of me or fix it?" Brooke asks in mock annoyance.

"I wasn't quite sure yet, the latter seems less fun." I wink at her as she rolls her eyes. I go to the cabinet and retrieve the rubbing alcohol.

"No! That's gonna sting!" She whines as she pulls her foot back

"Brooke!" I scream as I reach back for her foot and she kicks me square in the chest. "Shit!" I grab again for her foot as she continues to kick. Finally I get a good grip on her foot and yank it hard toward me causing her to fly from the toilet onto my lap where I was sitting at it's base.

Our eyes meet for a moment. She would be straddling me were I not holding her leg almost up to the side of her cheek. How did she learn to bend that way. Her eyes challenge me as they bore into my own.

"Stay." I order her as I scoot closer to her pushing her back against the cool porcelain of the toilet. I feel her groin grind against my chest as I pull her knee down to my face. She grits her teeth and turns away as I press the alcohol soaked cotton ball to her foot.

"Ahh." She hisses unintentionally erotically as she pushes back against the toilet.

I quickly grab for the bandage sitting at my side and wrap her toe before I drop her foot back to the ground. Now she is sitting completely straddled against me and I know that she feels the unmistakable bulge of my manhood against her groin.

Making no eye contact she grinds herself against me but burries her head in my shoulder. I groan as I grab the small of her back and pull her toward me. I am taken aback when suddenly she pulls her head from the crook of my neck and her lips connect with mine. Such passion burns through me that every touch of her lips against mine burn my lips. Then she pulls back and turns away from me.

"Brooke." I say slowly. I slowly stroke her cheek as I turn her face for her eyes to meet mine, but she looks away again and I can tell that she is crying. "Hey." I try to soothe her as I wipe stray tears from her face. "Pretty girl." I try.

Suddenly her eyes flicker toward me and meet mine. They are glossy and tired. Her hair that I had been in a loose ponytail had lost a few strands in our struggle and they were now framing her face. Her eyes search mine, but for what I do not know.

"I'm scared Luke." She breathes out as her voice cracks.

My heart beats rapidly in my chest as I hold her against me and look into her eyes for the first time in over six years.

"Brooke Davis?" I say

"Yeah?" She responds cocking her eyebrow at me.

_"There is a tide in the affairs of men  
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;  
Omitted, all the voyage of their life  
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.  
On such a full sea are we now afloat;  
And we must take the current when it serves,  
Or lose the ventures before us."  
William Shakespeare, Julias Ceasar_

"Brooke Davis I love you, I never stopped."

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**Its been a minute so I felt like i owed you all something. review!  
**


	15. Two steps back

**cheeryandbroody4eva: **_thanks ;)_

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**Chapter 16: "Two steps back"**

_"Brooke Davis I love you, I never stopped."_

In the past five years of my life, the moment that those words left my mouth was the single most powerful. They are the -truest- words that I could ever speak to a human being. In an ideal world (where everything is perfect) the girl of my dreams would leap into my arms as I profess my love to her and proudly proclaim it back… after that a horse would appear and we would ride off into the sunset. But this is no fairy tale, and I am no knight in shinning armor- nor is Brooke the helpless fair maiden who has wanted for nothing other than a man to come sweep her off her feet.

For a moment I had hope as her eyes studied mine intensely. I couldn't tell whether she was going to kiss me, or kill me. Apparently she leaned more toward the latter and her hand connected squarely to my jaw.

Dejected, I watched her walk away from me. Since I have been back I've been living the ramifications of my mistakes. It took one second for me to walk out… and it could take a lifetime to fix.

It has been three hours since I have started mending all that I have torn apart (and I am counting from the minute that I told Brooke that I love her). In that three hours Brooke was called to the hospital and I am now left with a screaming newborn in my arms and a whining toddler trailing me at my coat tails as I try to rouse the two elder children awake.

"Benji- Ben!" I shake him gently with my free hand. "Come on buddy, you gotta wake up!"

I pull the blanket off of the two children huddled together under the sheets.

"Uncle Luke!?" Charlotte groans as she covers her face but makes moves to rise from bed. Ben however does not.

"Go brush your teeth, we're gonna be late." I order Charlotte.

Sighing Charlotte treks out of the room. Charlotte never follows directions. It is like they switch off. One child will behave like an angel while the other acts like they are soon likely to spit pea soup.

"Ben!" I try one more time actually becoming agitated with the child.

"No! I don't wanna!" Ben suddenly fumes as he flies up from bed.

"Well unfortunately you don't have a choice kid." I joke with him finding momentary humor in his anger.

"I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE!"

I have to admit that I am taken aback. This behavior is completely uncharacteristic for Ben. Honestly I don't think that I have ever heard the kid say "no".

"What has gotten into you?" I try but my voice is fighting through Sophie's screams.

"I said I DON'T WANNA GO!" Ben howls

I don't know what to say or think. Does he do this to Brooke every morning when she wakes him up for school?

"Well sorry buddy but you don't have a choice." I say firmly as I hoist Ben off of the bed with my free arm.

He flails in my arms as I swing him from his bed.

To say that the rest of the morning was a fight could be the understatement of the century. I literally has to wrestle Ben into his clothes change Sophie's diaper, and Gracie's twice. Charlotte luckily knew better than to act out at that point. Finally I was able to get all of the kids out of the door.

Seeing how the school is just two blocks down the street we usually walk. Today I would have done well just to drive, but in my stubbornness I refuse to let these children get the best of me. So I set out on my treck.

I toss Gracie in the stroller despite the fact that she is still wearing the oatmeal from breakfast all over her face and I strap Sophie into her tummy carrier trying to block out her screams. I push the stroller with one hand and with the free one I drag Ben along who is only taking every other step. Charlotte walks ahead of us and the fact that she has insisted on walking backwards is currently the least of my worries.

When I arrive at the school I am met with amused stares. I know that I must be a sight- it only gets worse when I realize that I am still in my pajamas. I force Charlotte and Ben through the school doors just as the bell rings.

"Morning Sunshine." Jake greets me as I stumble into his kitchen

I don't even have to look in the mirror to know that I have bags under my eyes. I am an unshowered, disheveled, mess.

"Haha." I roll my eyes as I offer his Sophie. She automatically calms in his arms.

"You've always been super dad." I smirk as I watch Gracie disappear into the other room to find Peyton.

"What can I say? We can't all be this good." Jake smirks as he sits across from me at the kitchen table.

Peyton and Jake lead a simple life, in their modest house. Their refrigerator is covered by Jenny's paintings and report cards. The house is comfortably messy with Jakes gym bags tossed by the side of the door and a random easel cluttering the kitchen. They are a simple family.

"Don't stress." Jake has always been a good friend to me since he took me under his wing when I joined the Ravens.

"I just think I would have figured it all out by now." I muse. "I mean, Ben is five years old!"

"But in your defense, not that I'm sure you deserve it or anything" Jake begins honestly "you've only been back a few months, and before that how long were you around?"

Jake is right.

"It's just hard-" I try to explain "I spent so much of my life hating Dan and swearing that I would never be like him and I feel like I fucked it up my first shot. At least Dan had balls enough to be there for Nathan from the start."

Just thinking of Nathan sends a chill up my spine. He is still lying in the hospital and I can't shake the creeping feeling that it should be me.

"Honestly Luke, if Dan was my dad I would rather have not had him here. You ever think that maybe it was better that you left and came back?" Jakes eyes bore into my own "a dad not ready to be a dad can sometimes be the worse kind. Look, Ben had _good _life with Nathan and Haley. They loved him like their own."

I listen carefully to Jakes words.

"Everyone knew that you and Brooke weren't ready… but you have to be now- and I think that you are."

He's right. I need to get over the past and I need to get over myself. I have a son, and now a niece who need me the same way that Ben had needed Nathan and Haley.

"You asked me where I've been, but you never asked my why I were the only one who didn't." I question Jake

He immediately chuckles at my question

"I had a kid when I was 15 Luke. Hell, I considered taking off but Niki left before I even had the choice. I couldn't imagine that it's much better at 17- not that it makes it right, so I know why you left Luke."

When I look into Jakes eyes I can tell that he really, truly understands me.

**_"What I want to know is why you came back."_**

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**Shorter chapter but it's something. (same thing that i typed on lyrical chastity but) I have had f*%#$% computer after f#%^*$ computer and it just sucks when I was so far along with so many projects, both current and new works, and I have to go and back track on everything. It just makes it that much harder to get things up and posted but please bear with me while I try to get all of these stories sorted out. **

xoxo Jules


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